Laugh Out Loud -> Go Ahead -> You DESERVE It!

Written by on February 21, 2016 in Happiness & Humor with 0 Comments
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people laughing - researchers establish mathematical theory of humor

Being Awake and Aware means we know we need balance. Conscious Life News gives you content that is serious, and life enhancing or life changing, but laughter is good for the soul and helps to keep our equilibrium amid the chaos.

A child laughs spontaneously and scientific estimates are that an adult needs 15-17 GOOD SOLID LAUGHS  a day to be healthy.  So here you are. Take a few wonderful minutes. Reduce your blood pressure, lower stress, release endorphins, oxygenate your blood, improve your cardiac health, and enjoy this chuckle. Go ahead. Laugh Out Loud!!! You deserve it!  Here are quips, gags, and images to put a smile on your face, and help bring you back into balance.

 

SOME CLEVER SIGNS


In a shoe repair shop: We will heel you. We will save your sole. We will even dye for you.

In a gynecologist’s office: Dr. Jones, at your cervix.

In a podiatrist’s office: Time wounds all heels.

In an optometrist’s office: If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.

On a plumber’s truck: We repair what your husband fixed.

On a maternity-room door: “Push. Push. Push.”


In a veterinarian’s waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

In a restaurant window: Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.

At a propane filling station: Thank Heaven for little grills.

Sign on the back of a septic-tank truck:
Caution – This Truck is full of political promises.

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CREATION STORY: LIFE EXPLAINED

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?”And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.
If you're looking for me I will be on the front porch.

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DOGS VS STAIRS

Some dogs need to figure things out first and then….They GET it!

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