Thrive II Preview

How To Get Back To Inner Peace After A Breakup

Posted by on October 14, 2014 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 0 Comments

Vanessa | Collective Evolution

I used to be friends with several ex-boyfriends.

I would hang out with them regularly. I would invite them out on the weekends. I would chat with them on the phone.

One of them eventually became a best friend. My inner circle couldn’t understand how I could continue to include the men I had previously dated in my life. Some of those relationships had been challenging. A couple of those relationships hadn’t ended so well. But somehow after doing plenty of soul searching and licking my wounds, I found the space in my heart to continue to include them in my life, in a new way.


Contrary to what you may believe, when a relationship ends, you don’t have to become archenemies or strangers with your ex. This concept may be foreign to you. Perhaps you had a relationship that was full of conflict. You could have been abused. Mistreated. The list could go on and on.

I am certainly not condoning ANY sort of mistreatment, abuse, disrespect, or inhumane act that you encountered. I am not going to convince you to remain in a toxic or unhealthy relationship. I definitely don’t want you to bypass the experience you had on a spiritual or emotional level either.

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and for another person is to say goodbye, permanently.

What I want for you post-breakup is to get back to a place of peace and wholeness within yourself.

This process MAY include your ex. Or it may look like letting him or her go for good. Either way, it is perfect because your choice will come from a place of deep love, trust and truth within you.


This idea that we have to “hate our ex,” comes from a very outdated belief system. I believe that this idea was etched into our minds long before we even knew what dating was! Think back to when you were a child. You may remember those fairy tales of prince charming and the princess living, “happily ever after.” Those unrealistic storylines set you up for plenty of disappointment and failure in your future partnerships.

Romantic relationships are not about riding off into the sunset with your prince or princess and living a perfect fairy tale life.

It is important to feel loved. Laugh together. Have fun. Be supportive. Etc. But expecting that to occur ALL THE TIME is simply unrealistic.

Romantic partnership is there to foster your personal and spiritual growth. You evolve. You learn. That may occur through the blissful and the not so blissful moments in your partnership. Growing up, I longed to have a fairy tale romance. But after years of constant disappointment I knew I had to shift my perspective.

When I dropped my expectations and attachments around romance there was an immediate shift in how I related to men.

My current partnership is the closest experience I have ever had to a fairy tale. We aren’t riding off into the sunset on a white horse. We certainly have our ups and downs, but I am no longer controlling how it should unfold based on characters in a children’s book or a Hollywood movie. It has made for a far more organic, fluid and enjoyable ride.

Loosen up and let go of your expectations of and attachments to how you THINK your relationship should have been and how you believed it should have worked out. In turn, you will adopt a more realistic perception about the true nature and purpose of romantic relationships.


One of the most fundamental things I have learned over the course of my dating years is that every relationship is precisely giving me what I NEED. That certainly hasn’t always fit into my mind’s agenda of what a relationship “should be like.”

I longed for an evolved and mature relationship for years. I always thought that I was ready. Yet over and over again, I found myself going through breakup after breakup feeling further and further away from being with my dream man. My ego was consistently bruised and banged up.

After considerable inner work and research in this area, I got to the bottom of why that was happening so frequently. I discovered that my romantic relationships had been strategically put into my life for a purpose that was bigger than my own limited mind.

I tossed out my narrow views of what a relationship should be like. Let go of the need and attachment to be in a relationship. I stopped acting like a victim. I was able to see clearly how I was solely responsible for the relationships I had been choosing.

I noticed common themes and patterns showing up in each man I dated. I learned how my life experiences influenced the type of men I was attracting. I discovered limiting belief systems, concepts and outdated ideas that contributed to the demise of my relationships. I embarked on a quest to get to the bottom of the lessons, blessings and gifts that each partner was there to teach me.

By acknowledging the concept that every romantic relationship is giving you what you need will set you up for success in your next partnership.

The hungrier you are to learn, evolve and transcend as an individual, the closer you will be to having the relationship you desire deep down.

Read the full post here.

Tags: , ,


If you enjoyed this article, subscribe now to receive more just like it.

Subscribe via RSS Feed Connect on YouTube

New Title

NOTE: Email is optional. Do NOT enter it if you do NOT want it displayed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

FAIR USE NOTICE. Many of the articles on this site contain copyrighted material whose use has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making this material available in an effort to advance the understanding of environmental issues, human rights, economic and political democracy, and issues of social justice. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of the copyrighted material as provided for in Section 107 of the US Copyright Law which contains a list of the various purposes for which the reproduction of a particular work may be considered fair, such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. If you wish to use such copyrighted material for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use' must obtain permission from the copyright owner. And, if you are a copyright owner who wishes to have your content removed, let us know via the "Contact Us" link at the top of the site, and we will promptly remove it.

The information on this site is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional advice of any kind. Conscious Life News assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of this material. Your use of this website indicates your agreement to these terms.

Paid advertising on Conscious Life News may not represent the views and opinions of this website and its contributors. No endorsement of products and services advertised is either expressed or implied.
Send this to a friend