Who IS the REAL you?
Do you really know yourself, or the people close to you? In their book The Fifth Agreement, Don Miguel Ruiz and Don Jose Ruiz tell an imaginary story about a man in a movie theater who watches a movie about himself and his family in which he plays the lead role. He then goes into a second theater and finds his mother watching a movie with the same characters but she is playing the lead role. His mother appears to be different from the person in his movie, and although he recognizes his face in her movie, he doesn't recognize his character. The same happens when he goes into a third, and a fourth theater and so on, and watches his partner's movie, and his brothers' and sisters' movies.
He learns that everyone has their own perception of themselves and of other people and everyone creates their own story about themselves and others.
I recommend that you read The Fifth Agreement, as well as The Fourth Agreement, as both books present very simple but powerful teachings and there isn't time or space to go into all the details of this story here. Briefly, the book explains that we create our own story based on how we want other people to perceive us – because we’re acting out different roles according to the situations we find ourselves in and other people's expectations of us.
The more we do this, the more we lose sight of who we really are and become fearful of revealing our true self because we don't believe we can live up to the illusion we have created.
Who do you think you are?
An interesting question! We project who we think we should be to the outside world and internally we criticize ourselves for perceived faults and failings. We are our own severest critic and we build the barrier that keeps us from being a success, and from being happy and fulfilled. Over the years we have been conditioned to believe in a story about ourselves which is the product of the way we think other people perceive us – parents, teachers, siblings, friends. We develop sub-conscious beliefs – “I'm too fat”, “I'm ugly”, “I'm not good enough”, “Nobody likes me”, “I'm stupid”, “I can't do (fill in the blanks)”, “I'll never amount to anything” and so on.
How can you be happy when you are constantly being criticized by someone you can't shake off – your own inner voice? If it was a friend or a partner who continually said these things to you, you'd most likely have ditched them long ago. So isn't it time you ditched that inner voice and started to appreciate the magnificence of the REAL you?
We are programmed by negative reinforcement all our lives so we become conditioned to respond through fear. Most of what we do in life is because we fear the consequences of NOT doing something, or of NOT being something. We’re afraid of not living up to other people’s expectations and not being liked or loved as a result. We’ve been taught that being loved is conditional on being ‘good’.
To be truly free and empowered you need to control your fear reaction, shut out the critical and negative noise, and operate from a position of conscious awareness that consistently moves you in a positive direction, with positive energy every time. This is how you become successful – by getting out of your own way and allowing your magnificent self to operate at full power.
So how do you make this change?
1. Awareness… Become your own observer. As soon as you think a negative thought about yourself, catch it and ask yourself “where did that thought come from and is it true?” Was it caused by something someone once said to you, or due to an experience you had earlier in life? When I was in kindergarten, I was reprimanded by the headteacher in front of the whole school for behavior that actually showed initiative and independence, and I developed a negative self-belief even though it was completely unfounded.
Have you had similar experiences? If so, recognize them as other people's stories and re-frame your interpretation.
Keep a ‘negativity notebook’ where you can jot down negative thoughts as they occur. This increases your awareness of these thoughts which speeds up the process of controlling them and eventually you catch them before they can fully form in your mind.
2. Evaluate your true strengths and weaknesses. We can't be an expert at everything – some things we love doing and those things tend to come easily to us. Other things we struggle with and hate doing. I have been on a voyage of discovery about myself since 1999, ever since I took a Myers Briggs personality test as a team leader. It revealed why I behave in a particular way and the kinds of things that come naturally to me, and it helped me understand that other people operate differently. So instead of being self-critical about not being good at certain things like budgets and plans (which I had struggled with in my job), I accepted that these were things I would have to try harder to do and be more self-disciplined about.
Awareness of your strengths and weaknesses isn't so you can justify your behavior; it is a tool to help you address them.
If you haven't taken a Myers Briggs personality test, there is a free version you can take at https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test. It only takes a few minutes.
When you work on understanding more about yourself and accept (and appreciate) your strengths and weaknesses, you eventually stop worrying about other people's opinions of you – because their opinion is only their perception of you and not REAL.
3. Practice the ‘Power of Neutrality’ by observing every situation and consciously choosing how to respond so that you don't give your power away and you create the outcome you want. This powerful technique is a key element of my Empower Your Life – Achieve Your Dreams program and it really does give you incredible power to deal with any situation that presents itself.
An explanation of The Power of Neutrality.
By starting to understand and appreciate your strengths and weaknesses you immediately become stronger, more centered and grounded.
By practicing the Power of Neutrality you start to control your fear response and you will eventually overcome fear – I guarantee it. It will take practice and self-discipline and it helps to have the help of an experienced coach/mentor, but you can do it. It really is the key to success as it removes the main barrier to your success, which is fear.
Everything that happens to us day in and day out evokes an emotion. Almost always the emotion is a product of our programming, with the exception of primal survival responses – the fight or flight response – which are only appropriate in situations of physical danger. Even these can be controlled.
We are constantly being bombarded with messages and situations intended to trigger our fear response – and this is being used to control us. From advertising to politics, we are being manipulated into a fear response that compels us to buy into the solution presented to us. Whether it is to sell us insurance, pharmaceutical drugs or persuade us to give up basic freedoms, our emotional response seals the deal.
By applying the techniques I am introducing to you here (and which I teach in depth in the Empower Your Life – Achieve Your Dreams program), you can respond consciously rather than react emotionally and choose the way you respond to any situation so that you achieve the outcome YOU want.
Disclaimer: Several of the links in this post are affiliate links.
Jan Shaw – The Success Alchemist, is a Spiritual Empowerment and Intuitive Success Coach, Success Strategist and Mindfulness and Manifestation Mentor and can be found at www.thesuccessalchemist.net. She delivers intuitive guidance, spiritual and metaphysical teaching, plus life and business strategies, to support you in fulfilling your Soul Mission and Life Purpose. Get your FREE copy of her Dream Achievers Success Kit or apply for a complimentary Success Strategy Session. Her book Empowered Manifestation is available on Amazon. Visit her YouTube Channel for more tips, tools, and training. You can also visit her Facebook Page and join her Facebook Group, Breakthrough to Brilliance. Jan also hosts the Cosmic Creating Show every Saturday on Cosmic Reality Radio.
