How Porn Can Ruin Your Sex Life (Both a Man & a Woman Share)

Video Source: TEDx Talks

In this Ted Talk, Ran Gavrieli of Tel Aviv shares why he quit watching porn. Gavrieli lectures about emotional and physical safe sex; porn and porn-influenced cultural damages; gender and power relations; and sex and intimacy.

Related Article: Russell Brand on “50 Shades”: Is Porn Ruining Our Ability to Have Healthy Sexuality?

Watch his video and gain a great masculine and cultural context for the article below.

How Pornography Can Ruin Your Sex Life

By Mark Manson | Confident Lover

A couple years ago, I stumbled across some research and articles about the pornography and the negative effects it could be having on men and their sex lives.

I found it interesting, but never gave it too much thought after that. Then some time last year I stumbled across this video:

It caught my attention because not only had I struggled with sexual anxiety and had bouts of inability to perform in the past, but being a dating coach, I had talked to a lot of men who struggled with the same issues, men often in their 20′s and 30′s.

A recent survey by Esquire showed 43% of men reported difficulty getting or maintaining an erection at least some of the time, with 24% reporting that they had difficulty “more often than I’d like to admit.”

According to the science, porn trains our brains to release more endorphins than is natural in response to an overload of sexual stimuli. 



After a while, our brains become desensitized and develop a need for higher and higher stimuli in order to reach the same arousal and excitement.

Thus begins the spiral into more hardcore porn and higher quantities of it.

In some cases, men can develop a psychological addiction to pornography and it can begin to interfere with their sex and social lives. In rare cases it can be debilitating in both.

Chances are you’re not a porn addict, but if you’re a man under the age of 35, I imagine that the abundant access to porn has affected you more than you think.

Think back to the first time you watched porn.

The mere image of a beautiful naked woman was probably enough for you. But sadly, for many of us, over the years we devolve into darker and more twisted porn habits.

Related Article: Say Goodbye to Sexual Shame: 3 Ways to Release Guilt & Embrace Pleasure

The result is that not only does it limit your ability to become aroused at all, but also can limit your dopamine receptors in general, causing you to become more anxious, less social, and possibly even depressed.

Not to mention it completely skews your perception of what beauty is and gives you unreasonable standards for sex with the women you meet.

If you’ve ever gotten an otherwise beautiful girl naked in your bed and been unable to ignore the tiny blemishes or asymmetries to the point where you have trouble getting turned on, then you know what I mean.

And worst of all, the younger you were when you began watching porn, the worse the effects generally are.

The Masturbation Diet

In my book on attracting women, I shared something I referred to as the “masturbation diet” in my chapter about motivation. It involved:

• eliminating porn and limiting masturbation to 1-2 times per week.

The goal of the “diet” was to revitalize and motivate guys who had trouble being motivated enough to pursue women in the face of their anxiety.

I had done it on and off in the past whenever I needed a kick in the ass and it worked for me. Often within a week or two. But I had never considered keeping it or making it a permanent habit in my life.

Late last year, the “no more porn” stuff really caught fire on the forum here, and a number of guys (myself included), hopped on the bandwagon in this thread and agreed to not look at porn for 60 days.

We all kept logs on the thread and it turned out to be a raging success. Most of us made it through the 60 days unscathed and true believers.

Porn had been negatively affecting our sex lives

For some it was a major shift and very difficult. For others, the changes were minor and simple. For everyone, the consensus seems to be we’re glad we did it.

Related Article: Why We Need To Stop Talking About Porn And Sex Addiction

You can read the experiences of others on the thread. Personally, I have been watching porn since I was 13, and had been watching it almost daily for 8-10 years when I began this challenge.

• When I did masturbate, I made a point to only fantasize about girls I knew or had met. Other times I did not fantasize at all. I absolutely did NOT fantasize about porn I had seen.

• My sex drive was very erratic the first few weeks. Some days I would be unbearably horny and then I would be completely disinterested in sex for a few days after that.I didn’t limit my masturbation (some guys chose to do this), so this usually meant that I’d go 4-5 days without masturbating, and then go nuts and do it 3-4 times in the span of 24 hours. Sometimes it felt like I was 16-years-old all over again.

• At around three or four weeks, my sex drive was high and remained that way. My aggression with girls increased, as well as my confidence being sexual around them. I felt little shame or hesitation pushing things further with them, whereas I may have been in the past.

• I began to find normal, every day girls to be more beautiful. Minor flaws and blemishes that used to bug me were now endearing and sometimes even sexy. I also noticed that my tastes changed a bit.

• I began to find the fake-titted, fake blonde, fake tan, tiny skirted, club-type girls less attractive and naturally beautiful girls to be more appealing to me.I started noticing things like skin, lips, eyes and hair more. And although I still love a nice pair of tits and ass, they’re no longer my sole criteria.

• After one month, it was clear I was having better sex.I was performing better and enjoying it more and wanting it more often.

• In the second month, I had no temptation and the benefits continued to increase.

It appears my addiction and “reboot” were milder than that of many guys. You can read more about porn withdrawal symptoms here and read about the benefits many men experience after giving up porn for 60 days here.

READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE…

Tags: featured, how does porn affect the male sex drive, how porn ruins sex life, masturbation diet, porn-influenced cultural damages