Here’s How Men & Women Are Similar (and Different) When It Comes to Sex

Written by on February 21, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 8 Comments


By Dan Scotti | Elite Daily

At the ripe age of 15 — an age defined by hormones, underage drinking and hair gel — I was handed a valuable piece of advice. One that has stuck with me, still, to this date.

It was freshman year of high school, and I was with some friends watching the Mets game. It was one of those afternoons where we all crammed into one of my buddy’s living rooms and, that same day, we were joined by one more special guest: my friend’s father (and master of the house).

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We must’ve gotten around to shooting the sh*t — over the usual business — you know, chasing women and staying out of trouble, generally speaking. And at that point, my buddy’s dad decided to chime in and impart some of his own wisdom on the topic:

Women — they want it just as bad as you do. Don’t forget that.

Naturally, he was alluding to sex and the female libido. And while that tidbit of information made me feel slightly uncomfortable (coming from him), it also made me think.

Up until that point, society had always suggested otherwise. All the stereotypes that floated around affirmed that “all men think about is sex” and that when it came to a woman, sex must first proceed from an emotional connection.

It’s constantly reinforced (by media and pop culture) that men view sex as some carnal act, motivated purely by pleasure while women view it in an entirely different light.

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My friend’s dad helped remind me we’re all humans, despite our gender differences, and, while we may diverge on certain topics, at the end of the day, sex is still sex whether you’re male or female.

This encouraged me to look deeper into each gender’s specific sexual desires — at things like duration of sex and even duration of foreplay — in order to gain a better understanding of how we, as human beings, view sex.

As part of an experiment conducted by Miller and Byers, 152 heterosexual couples were asked to report their specific sexual desires in addition to what they thought their partner’s specific sexual desires would be.

Case 1: Foreplay

Interestingly enough, ideal length of foreplay did not differ between the sexes.

Despite the fact that most love stories portray the female character as the romantic one — the one more inclined to light candles prior to sex and spread rose petals on the bedspread — women did not report a greater interest in foreplay than men did.

Women did, however, expect their male significant others to desire a lower duration of foreplay than was actually the case, likely a result of those stereotypes reinforced in romantic films and even a lot of love songs.

That said, while women expected their men to value foreplay less, this proved to be an underestimation, according to the study’s results.

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But there is some truth to the idea that foreplay is, in fact, more important for women.

According to Dr. Ruth Westheimer, EdD,  for WebMD, “It’s particularly important for women to have successful foreplay because it takes a woman a longer time [than a man] to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm.”

Still, it doesn’t appear women require — or desire — more time during foreplay in order to fulfill their sexual needs.


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8 Reader Comments

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  1.' Patricia Harrold says:


  2.' Sukha Bhucho Sukhdev says:

    I think when we have sexual intercourse we fell in great ecstasy here the real blunder both men and woman’s mind has that the real reason of that injoy. Is their opposite sex ..but actually that is the feeling of our own body …if u don’t agree just musterbate now u ll know all the truth urself ..

  3.' Divya Singh says:

    Yes as a woman I think it’s very important for me to feel for a person and his touch should touch my soul and heart not only my skin

  4.' Cara Riley says:

    I disagree with the main premise. I have yet to meet ANY woman who wants sex as much as the men of my acquaintance :/

  5.' Christie Gil says:

    What a fucked up thing to say to a bunch of 15 year old impressionable boys!!!! D: I’m absolutely horrified by that anecdote. Women don’t want the fucking scrumping digging out cumm cumm cumm that males do. So no, the statement is at best completely false, and at its worst, the first thing a young budding rapist really started thinking about.

    Yeah females want lovemaking. A whole really much lot. Probably as much as dudes wanna dig a bitch out. But they are not the same things. Damn that dad, what a prick.

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