Healing: A Thousand Piece Jigsaw Puzzle

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farhana dhalla healing puzzle

Every single day the pain was getting worse, thinking it was ‘just a toothache’, I put it off until a more convenient time for me to deal with it.

One day with the pain no longer bearable I went to have it looked at to find out that it was not a root canal as I had thought, it was a neurological condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia.

Google informed me that this was considered “one of the worst pains known to humankind” and has also been called “the suicide disease” for its progressive extreme pain and chronic features.


Yay me.

I understood the dramatic words they used to describe the pain… I’ve had 3 children and kidney stones and this was by far the worst pain I had experienced.

I was fortunate to have a neurologist see me right away and order an MRI that put any larger looming fears to rest. Conventional medication has helped with the nerve pain but the side effects brought a whole new set of challenges and issues. Managing the discomfort from the side effects became a daily battle.

And yet I had no inclination to take advantage of the many generous offers of energetic and alternative healing that I had received. I had no idea why I wasn’t responding to them nor did I understand why I wasn’t doing the healing work that I know how to do on myself.

All I kept hearing was Trust.

My best friend Deb is a shaman and prolific healer, she too had no inclination to do any work on me. Strangely we both felt this was correct action.


My client channeled a message for me confirming that I know how to do this and that trust was the answer.

But still, nothing made sense. I felt like I was in an apathy of sorts. I was waiting for an impulse but I didn’t have one. I didn’t understand my lack of effort in either delving into the energetic, emotional or spiritual healing.

Interestingly though I became intrigued with the physical and the medical aspects and found myself connecting the dots there. And, strangely, I often had difficulty remembering the name of the condition. My chiropractor said it was a good sign that while I was engaging my left brain research and thinking skills, I wasn’t identifying with it so closely that it was ‘mine’ and energetically locking in the condition as part of my identity.

Hmmm… Interesting perspective. I just thought it was an effect of the meds.

Even with the nerve blocker doing it’s job effectively, my discomfort levels from the side effects and a subsequent infection were exhausting me and I had to accept help.

I had to accept help with driving the children to their activities as I was unable while I adjusted to the medication.

I had to accept the kindness of those who saved me the burden of going to the grocery store and of those who dropped off meals.

I had to accept the generosity of friends who took my children and kept them for days at a time.

Even now I am aware that I used the term ‘had to accept’. This experience brought me to a humble place of ‘having to accept’ because I hadn’t emotionally and spiritually grown yet to achieve the heart opened space of simply ‘receiving’.

It was again my client that asked me why was it so hard for me to receive support and love from others. She planted the seed that this neurological problem – the wiring problem in my body – was a wiring problem in my relationship with receiving.

It was a big chunk of the thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle.

My friend Jonathan Mitchell did some healing work with me around that and we uncovered a major block around receiving stemming from a life experience when I was 15.

Another chunk placed in the thousand-piece puzzle.

Still, I am not being drawn to do much more in terms of healing or reflection. I am to be still and just rest.

I have grown a love affair with my PVR and The Big Bang Theory. I ‘zone’ out.

I feel a little shameful that I am not ‘working’ on myself. Yet, this is all I want to do.

I am aware of the curious blessings found in my situation:

The medication has forced me to have breakfast and I can see how much better my body is fuelled as the result of a good breakfast.

My swollen tongue and painful mouth has made talking difficult so, I am quiet.

The hazy brain effect has me abandon the 32 ideas (literally) that I was working on and focus on 2 for now.

With my children either with my friends, at camp, with my mother or with their dad, I can ease in the knowing that they are having a great summer holiday. So I sleep. Any time I want to. I wake up when I want to. I take several naps a day.

I know that sleeping is an important part of the healing process. And since I have lived a life with less requirement of sleep than the average person, I have to adjust with surprise to my body’s cry for so much sleep.

One night when dozing off I suddenly remember something. Oh my goodness… I remember that for the past few nights while fighting a fever, I was talking tongue in my sleep. I had been channeling a light language of some sort.

Deb tells me “Oh that makes sense why I wasn’t to do any healing on you, you were supposed to channel your own healing”

Instantly it made sense to me. The nonsensical made sense.

Another big chunk of puzzle pieces were placed.

I looked down at my legs which had been ravaged with psoriasis for over a year and noticed that they are visibly healing. I could see that my body was healing even though my discomfort was at it’s highest.

I was delighted. I hadn’t been doing ‘nothing’. I had been healing while seemingly being in the void. It was hard to trust ‘do nothing’. But I did. And lo and behold it was the most potent healer of all.

The next day, I had a powerful conversation with my gal Vicki Howie of ChakraBoosters. Her not knowing of my situation and her clear intuitive hits come as assurance for me to follow some hunches and I have renewed power and clarity as I talk to my doctor. Right after, I went to my chiropractor. I told her of my medical update and my aha’s. She directly asks me “Why are you sick?” and I instinctively respond “So I can rest”.

Whoa!

I’m sick so that I can rest??

She continues “Why can’t you just rest?” and I respond “I can’t, I owe people money”

And right then, a wave of anger came up over me.

The root of the pain became known to me.

I have tried to spiritualize it, I have looked at the gifts, I have asked myself if I knew this would be the outcome would I still do it, and the answer is yes. I have seen them as messengers, bearing gifts in tattered packaging.

But what I haven’t done is become angry and I haven’t allowed myself to grieve the loss of people whom I wholly loved and trusted and thought they loved me too.

At the encouraging of my ‘mentor’, I had borrowed an extraordinary amount of money from my family to implement my next business development phase. I had done everything on my own up to date and was uncomfortable with borrowing let alone the amount of money he advised me to borrow. He assured me that the money was to last a good long time as simultaneous projects were lifted off and this would eliminate my concern for monthly income as I concentrated on the development plan.

My family initially said no to the loan. They did not trust him. They suspected I was being conned. I was hurt that they thought so little of me and my judgment after all I am both intelligent AND intuitive.

They did end up financing me with a large cash flow injection reminding me of their concerns.

I dismissed their concerns because my ‘mentor’ and his partner (who had become one of my closest friends and would be play a fundamental role in the development plan) and I were forming a new way of how business and support looked like. We were a triad. We operated in support of each other fully. I felt I had met my utopia on how I believed life, business and spirituality all intersected.

Things would happen that would signal red alerts but I dismissed them in favour of what I wanted to see.

Within a few short months, most of the money that I borrowed somehow ended up with them with a highway of undeliverables in the wake. I was shocked. I was angry. And I was deeply wounded.

Although I was reeling in shock and both emotionally and financially wiped out, I couldn’t take a moment to recover.

I was committed to working full force as I had people to payback for money I never would see again. I was ashamed at myself for dismissing the many signals. I was angry at myself for not applying clear boundaries and best practices. I was angry at them for cheating me. And I was emotionally side swiped by the betrayal of friendship.

In order for me to justify a moment of rest, I had to be sick.

I created the unwellness in my body so that I could rest.

This awareness was so profound.

Hundreds of pieces assembled themselves on the puzzle

With this insight my chiropractor did an adjustment to release the anger and another one to open my wounded heart, within seconds all pain vanished.

For weeks I couldn’t talk without discomfort. Now that I had acknowledged the truth to myself, I could talk again freely.

For weeks my ear was in constant pain. Now that I was ‘listening’ again, the pain went away immediately.

Within 24 hrs I had received awareness that my spiritual body was channeling healing for me. My visit to the doctor’s office was to discuss a hunch prompted new medical tests which may result in a new healing plan and, my chiropractor helped me identify the emotional root cause for my unwellness and ALL discomfort immediately left my body!

I have known of the inter-relatedness of mind/body/soul for years, but to have such a direct experience of its connection is mind-blowing to me.

To be clear, there is still a journey of healing ahead. There are some long term shifts that I am being invited to make and I will continue to honour my body's call for rest and listen to the messages of what alternative and energetic healing I am to summon. There are still puzzle pieces to be placed.

As it turns out, my family has not once said ‘I told you so’. Everybody trusts and believes in me. I need not carry the shame any more. Only the lessons.

As for them, Karma will do its thing. And who knows, maybe it already has. Maybe there was Karma for me to clear. In any case I need not carry the anger and hurt any more. Only the gifts.

As for the ‘re-wiring’, as soon as I allowed people to support me, I have been in wonder as more and more has been coming through and I am receiving it joyfully. I need not be sick to be a receiver.

Eventually, all the pieces of the puzzle come together and we can stand back and admire our own particular masterpiece.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

Farhana Dhalla

Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook

 

 

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