Four Sexual Mistakes You Should Never Make In Bed

Posted by on May 6, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 0 Comments

By Dr. R.Y Langham | Between Us

Avoiding sexual blunders in bed can catapult your sex life to another level.

Let’s be real, guys – when you’re about to have sex, the last thing you want to do is turn the women off, am I right? Well, guess what? A lot of men are oblivious as to what they are doing wrong between the sheets. But, don’t worry, because this is where this mind-blowing article comes into play. The truth is, regardless of how good you think you are between the sheets, you, like most men, could probably improve in the areas of sexual pleasure and satisfaction.


And, although there’s no definitive “right” or “wrong” way to have sex, easy adjustments can help you and your partner achieve the highest levels of sexual satisfaction known to man – or woman. But, like any acquired skill, sex, requires strategies, methods, techniques – and lots of practice. So, if you are interested in learning how to take your “sexscapades” to the next level, keep reading. The best way to improve your bedroom skills is by learning the common sexual mistakes men make in the sack. Who knows – a change in your thinking may just take your sex life to a whole new level.

Listed below are four common mistakes you should never make in bed:

1. Delaying Your “Release”

Believe it or not, a sexual mistake men sometimes make in bed is delaying their “release.” The worst thing you can do is try to “hold back,” when you feel like you can’t. The truth is, it is completely normal to orgasm early from time to time. Unfortunately, it’s common for men to blame themselves when they “release” too early for their and their partner’s liking. But, honestly, sometimes you just have to accept the fact that this time, you can’t hold it for too long.. Why does it matter? Well, when you exhibit sexual anxiety (from believing that you must delay ejaculation to appease your girl), this anxiousness transfers to your partner, preventing her from behaving naturally, during sexual activities.

As a result, you may intentionally or non-intentionally block her from doing anything that sexually stimulates you like touching your penis, kissing you, seeing you naked, and/or performing oral sex on you. Your partner may then develop sexual insecurities that cause her to become hesitant or resistant towards engaging in sexual activities with you. So, if you have problems delaying your “release,” accept it, let it go, and move on. In other words, don’t apologize for the timing of your “release” or it will ruin your sexual experience. And if you are feeling like your lack of control becomes a constant issue, the good news are there are several things you can do to last longer in bed – without becoming too mechanical or unnatural.


2. “Guesstimating” What She Wants

Guess what? There are just as many women faking orgasms today, as there were decades ago! Wait…what? It’s true. What does that mean for you? Well, it means that if your partner isn’t “all that into the sex,” you may not even know it. The truth is, you may think your partner prefers “going at it” during sex – because you do, but in reality, she may be more into the “build-up” then the “full-on action.” Don’t get me wrong, most women enjoy fast, hot sex from time-to-time, but intimacy to a woman, usually doesn’t just consist of hot sex. No, it also involves other forms of sexual stimulation like foreplay and sensual touching.

A woman’s vagina responds to various forms of stimulation. You can thank the sensitive (and highly receptive) nerve-endings in that area for that. And, although, I’m sure your partner truly appreciates your enthusiasm and vigor, you may have better luck sexually satisfying her, if you get to know her intimate area bit better. Because, really, the worst mistake you can make in bed is guesstimating what your partner wants. So, instead of focusing all of your attention and energy on your thrusting abilities, why not ask your partner what she likes best? Many women would tell you to place that attention on the clit and/or vaginal lips. Both of these areas can help trigger an orgasm with a bit of stimulation from your mouth and/or hands..

3. Assuming that Because Something Worked the First Time, It Will Continue to Work Every Time

Another common sexual mistake you will want to avoid is assuming because something worked the first time, it will continue to work every time, because that’s simply not true. In other words, even if you partner enjoyed deep thrusting the first, second, and third time you did it – it doesn’t mean she’ll like it the fourth time. Maybe, the fourth time, she wants a slower, more sensual sexual experience. Shocking, right? The thing is, a woman’s sexual arousal often depends on her mood, her day, her health, and where she is in her monthly cycle.

In other words, she may be crampy, tired, and/or bloated, during the fourth sexual encounter, so rapid, deep thrusting may not be enjoyable to her at that time – even if it was before. So, what should you do? Pay attention to her signals! In other words, take your cues from her. If she seems uncomfortable, or if she’s just not feeling her best – try something else and see how she responds. And, once you find something that works, do it, but be open to change. In other words, avoid this common sexual mistake by being observant and flexible. So, just go with the flow and everything’s gonna be alright.  

4. Believing that Sex is Only Good if Your Partner Has an Orgasm

Believing that sex is only good if your partner has an orgasm, is the last common sexual mistake you should never make in bed. It is common for men to focus on their partner’s orgasms, but some men focus a little too much on them, leading to a host of problems like erectile dysfunction, sexual anxiety, sexual insecurity, etc. These men truly believe that it is their responsibility to give their partners an orgasm or two or three. They expect them to have some type of “release,” be it a whimper or a massive explosion. It is important to them because they need something to validate their “skills.” It is more about their own egos, then their need to sexually satisfy their partners. And, sadly, if your partner notices just how concerned you are about her orgasms, it may lead to neither of you being sexually satisfied. In other words, it could cause her to develop her own sexual insecurities.

Also, don’t assume that deep, fast thrusting will trigger an orgasm in your partner because most women don’t experience orgasms just from intercourse.  Why not? Well, many sex positions don’t sexually stimulate a woman’s clit, which is the most sensitive area for a woman “down south.” So, how can you avoid this mistake? By finding other ways to sexually excite your partner. Women, in general, receive more orgasms from oral stimulation then intercourse. You can also try couple’s vibrators, and/or sex positions that place the woman on top. And, if you really want to make an impression on your partner, add in some foreplay before making your grand entrance. Hint…hint… women, who sexually excited before intercourse are more likely to have one during it.

In Summary,

Listed above are sexual mistakes you should never make in bed. All of these should be easy to apply, and at the end of the day are based on developing better communication skills and putting your ego aside. Building a good “sexual relationship” with a new partner could take a bit of time and practice, but I can assure you its well worth the effort. Therefore, if possible, bookmark this article, carry it with you and start implementing some new sexual habits.

References:

Castleman, M. (2009). The most important sexual statistic. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic

Jio, S. (2016). 10 things you didn’t know about orgasms. Women’s Day. Retrieved from https://www.womansday.com/relationships/sex-tips/a5144/10-surprising-facts-about-orgasms-111985/

About the author

Dr. R.Y. Langham holds a Master of Science in marriage and family therapy and a Ph.D in family psychology. She serves as a professional consultant for the Between Us Clinic, which provides sex-therapy online programs for men and couples experiencing premature ejaculation.

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