How To Deal With Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation for a relationship with another.

The more connected you are with YOU, the more secure and at peace you will be in your relationship.

The real insecurity is not about your partner, but lies within yourself.

It's not about them.

We often look to our partners to give us a feeling of security and validation. Whilst this is nice, we must take responsibility for our inner freedom.

Love yourself first.

In doing so, you will heal those parts inside of you that feel insecure, needy, afraid, clingy and anxious.

Healing is when you love those parts of yourself that are afraid, and hurting.

Those parts of you aren't bad. They are just aspects of yourself that are seeking love and attention. Either you give that love to you, or you will seek to get that love from others.

When you make others the source of your love, you are bound to feel needy and insecure.

As children, perhaps certain needs weren't met. You may not have gotten the attention, validation, emotional safety, connection or nourishment needed from your parents.

As a result, we seek out partners to try and get the needs met that weren't met growing up.

As you can imagine, it's not a recipe for relationship happiness. Often causing us much suffering.

Unconsciously we try to recreate the conditions of our childhood in order to be able to heal them. Once you understand this, you can enter into relationships more consciously.

So rather than seeking outside for love, find ways to nourish and give it to yourself first.

Even if you do get love from your partner, if you aren't giving it to yourself, it will never feel enough. And you will be left with an ongoing sense of insecurity, as you are dependent on them for your sense of feeling loved.

Now of course in any relationship we impact and affect each other. But when you love you, and connect with the source of love and fulfillment within, you feel a sense of inner peace.

This allows you to be in a relationship from a place of wholeness, rather than lack and insecurity. You are no longer dependent.


-Hold your heart with care and kindness.

-Love your inner child.

-Praise and acknowledge yourself daily, with positive affirmations.

-Look in the mirror and say “I love you”.

-Feel your feelings and release what doesn't serve you.

-Honor and speak your truth.

-Surround yourself with people that love and respect you.

As you love you, you realize that you are love itself.

As you connect deeply to yourself, you are much less afraid of losing yourself or losing your lover.

When you have YOU, your fear of losing another softens. It's always a vulnerable thing to open your heart, and really love another human being.

To really love takes courage, and to feel that vulnerability is courageously beautiful. But that is very different from insecurity and neediness.

As you no longer are motivated by need, you are in fact free to be vulnerable, allowing yourself to need but from an abundance of fullness of love in your heart.

The more you connect to you, the more secure you feel, the more free you feel to simply be love fully.

The ultimate security is knowing that you are love itself. And that nothing can be taken or lost. If someone is truly meant for you, nothing will stop it, and if they are NOT meant for you, nothing will keep it.

So trust LOVE.

This is real security.



P.S. If you are ready to learn to love yourself and feel free, join me at on October 9-11th in Los Angeles!  Amazing women will be gathering!

Kute BlacksonKute Blackson is an utterly unique visionary in the world of human potential. Unlike those who promise to simply help people “get” what they want, Kute’s life work instead reveals to people what they have to give, by liberating who they are most truly and deeply. The focus: Freedom. Acclaimed worldwide for his life changing, one of a kind, transformational experiences, he is considered one of the leading voices in the fields of transformation and spirituality. Kute is an inspiring modern day spiritual teacher and a bold voice for a new generation. He leads transformational journeys to Bali (get more info here).  He also helps women overcome any and all obstacles to love with his “The Man Breakthrough Experience” , the Women's Seminar.


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  1.' Nela Garcia says:

    i absolutely loved your ” How to deal with feeling insecure in your relationships”. You are an answer to prayer. Thank You so much!

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