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How To Consciously Attract The Right Relationships

 The following is excerpted from Teresa L. DeCicco’s newest book “Living Beyond the Five Senses: The Emergence of a Spiritual Being” (Divine Arts).

As we attract people to us by being aware that we are participating in who shows up in our lives we are also aware that it is these people who teach us to grow and evolve. Life is not coming “at” us but rather, we are participating in it with our thoughts and feelings. We may find this hard to believe because people may not always be kind or friendly, in fact they can be incredibly mean spirited, but none the less, they are very important and we have attracted this for a reason. People are a mirror for what needs to be seen or learned and often it is the most difficult or challenging people that can be paramount in terms of our own positive growth.


People who are difficult and challenging can teach us new skills in terms of emotional regulation and control. When we are not yet trained in keeping unleashed anger in check, with either overt or covert anger, then angry people show up to show us that we still have a ways to go. On the other hand, perhaps we do not speak up when we need to and we bury our own needs in order to please other people. If this happens over a long period of time then anger eventually rises to the surface because it is a voice that is finally saying no, I do not want this in my life any longer. Either way, anger in relationships is the device that allows for personal growth to happen should it be recognized as such.

If we carry fear, jealousy, or envy inside ourselves then daily life situations will reveal themselves that trigger these. People will show up to present opportunities for us to see and experience our own emotions, especially if we are unaware of them. If we see this as an opening for something new, we can acknowledge the emotions and even find the root that likely began in early childhood. When this is acknowledged and dealt with appropriately the emotions dissolve and relationships that carry this lesson will also dissolve.

As our own mental and emotional lives improve then it can get more and more difficult to be around other people who are still not yet on the path as we know it. Being in a place where we see a woman lying to her husband can become difficult. Seeing a woman who is full of hatred and jealousy to everyone around her but interacts with a sweet, inauthentic smile can feel painful. Knowing a family member is lying to protect her sister’s dishonesty or watching a young man deceive and manipulate people to get money from others become instances that are obvious and now clear. People continue to play their games of survival and ego fulfillment but when we look at this from the perspective of opportunities of growth and development, we can understand this for what it is and stay detached. All of these seemingly negative interactions are there for people to have opportunities to transform spiritually and they may or may not know this. Even in extreme relationships that involve abuse, the abuser certainly has a lesson to learn but the victim too has to learn not be victimized ever again. It is only when enough pain and suffering from these situations occurs that change can happen. When we ourselves have transformed enough to no longer participate in these types of relationships, we can observe without judgement, slowly back away, and focus on our own positive growth.

When we begin removing ourselves as best we can from negative interactions we do so with deep love and with an understanding that everyone has their own lessons; we for them and them for us. Rather than becoming emotionally involved we observe and move past this to a more evolved state of being that sees new meaning in all relationships.

Interestingly, as we move away from people who continue to play out hatred, manipulation, possessiveness, fear, and other forms of negativity, we can open ourselves to people who have a much wider concept of love. Often people can only love a few other people, and even then, only those in their close inner circle. They can love spouses, children, and perhaps a few family members. Friends may fit into the circle but they generally do not hold the same value as close family. Love is often seen as something someone else has, that needs to be received, and in return, love is given back in equal measure. The belief is often held that if I give love away then the cup is now empty unless someone else fills it up. In extreme cases, people feel completely empty of love and they try to desperately find others to fill them up. The truth remains, that love comes from within us and not from others. It is a deep emotion inside every single person and it needs to be accessed from within. When we finally learn to tap into the love inside ourselves then we will feel fulfilled, and not until then.

TeresaColourPhotoTeresa L. DeCicco, PhD was a University Professor, researcher, and author studying Dreams and Dreaming and Psychology of the Spiritual Self when a wave of spiritual transformative experiences occurred. From then on, over a 17 year period, her experience with near death, clairsentience, precognitive dreaming, and other transformations led her to understand the spiritual transformation that was occurring, not only in her, but in millions of others at this time in history. She now shares this body of knowledge through books, TV, radio, and lectures around the world. See more of her work at www.teresadecicco.org.

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  1. Living Conscious Relationships | | February 23, 2015
  1. etetersjr@yahoo.com' Elliott Teters says:

    Great article Teresa and clearly spot on. What a wonderful world we are creating as people realize that to have the life they desire is as simple as learning to truly love themselves. Thank you for your contribution to this exciting new world.

  2. Thank you Elliot. It truly is an exciting new world and we are creating it; each and every one of us. Our community is growing as we each add a drop to the ocean of consciousness 🙂

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