Boundary Setting 101 — Target: Empaths

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Being used header

Straight From the Horses Ass Mouth

I’m a people-pleaser with strong boundary awareness.

It’s taken me years to weed out and recognize time-wasters and/or emotional vampires and nurture the relationships with the people I’m willing to give my attention to (read related article:5 Ways Energy Vampires Steal Your Time and Life-Force). My radar is set to blast out the moment I sense someone is taking a fat chance with my time and energy (I’ll discuss more, in a bit, about how you can sense them too).


People-pleasing is part of my nature and, to some extend, my upbringing. What I thought was being polite or well-mannered has gotten me into a plethora of icky, gooey manure at various stages of my life until I learnt about boundary setting.

Bottom line is: You’ve got to set dem boundaries, folks!

Advantage Takers

There are always going to be people who find every opportunity to take you for a ride — be it emotional, financial, energetic or just a cruise in their latest hot wheels (that kind is fine #justsaying).

I like wearing my rose-colored glasses and try to seek out the best in people. However, you’ve got to use your glass case too when the situation calls for it. Especially if you’re empathic…you’re like a moth to a flame for users.

Read related article: Here Are 8 Ways Empaths (and Highly Sensitive People) Can Take Their Power Back

If you’re tired of being used as a doormat and aren’t liking the boot-mark motif on your backside then read on…

What I’ve Learnt About Setting Firm, Strong Boundaries

Let me cut to the chase here — there are a few warning signs I want to share with you on how to implement your God-given right to protect yourself:

  • If you were raised to be polite and well mannered, it is still okay to say no or walk away from someone who is clearly using you. You can still be in your integrity — after all, there is such a thing as a calm and polite ‘no’.
  • It is equally okay to draw a line in the sand when you cannot extend help because you are busy — putting your own needs — or your family’s needs — aside for others is not always the solution. Use your discernment, of course, sometimes we do have to drop things in order to help someone out — just make sure you have the energy to give and the matter is of genuine importance.
  • Don’t care what people think of you if you say no or walk away from them in a case of you detecting energy vampirism or negativity. You have every right to protect yourself and they can think what they like about you — that’s their problem.
  • Protect yourself and your loved ones from people disguised as friends who bring you down. Even if you’ve been friends for ages — it’s okay to walk away at any given time when something or someone is not serving your highest good. Sometimes we let these relationships drag on forever because we think it might change or we feel uncomfortable ‘breaking it off’ but you can’t live your life and sacrifice your joy to please others. Those friends who do not resonate with us any longer will find other people who are on their frequency — just remember we are all on a path of learning and understanding so don’t deny them of their lessons by letting bad behavior slide for the sake of keeping the peace (who’s peace anyway? There is no such thing as one sided peace).
  • Your time and attention is valuabledon’t let other people use it like it isn’t. The moment your bullshitometer detects a disturbance in your vital force — set them boundaries, buckaroo! If someone is stringing you along, cut the chord.

Related article: Why We Detest Indifference

CRD

Cherie Roe Dirksen is a self-empowerment author, multi-media artist and musician from South Africa.

To date, she has published 3 self-help and motivational books and brings out weekly inspirational blogs at her site www.cherieroedirksen.com. Get stuck into finding your passion, purpose and joy by downloading some of those books gratis when you click HERE.

Her ambition is to help you to connect with your innate gift of creativity and living the life you came here to experience by taking responsibility for your actions and becoming the co-creator of your reality. You can follow Cherie on Facebook (The Art of Empowerment — for article updates). She also has just recently launched her official art Facebook page (Cherie Roe Dirksen – for new art updates).

Cherie posts a new article on CLN every Thursday. To view her articles, click HERE.

This article (Boundary Setting 101 — Target: Empaths) was originally written for and published by Conscious Life News and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to the author Cherie Roe Dirksen and ConsciousLifeNews.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this Copyright/Creative Commons statement.

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7 Reader Comments

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  1. The greatest life one can have is of service. Give joy, happiness, bliss, laughter, wisdom,

    • cheriedirksen@yahoo.com' Cherie Dirksen says:

      It’s truly a great blessing to be of service to others as long as it’s not at the cost of your own joy (aka being used).

  2. Loved this piece. Very earthy feel which I resonate with. Cheers

  3. This situation is the most backward situation I’ve ever encountered

    1. The people (as I now see) in the know have been the people in power all along
    2. By excluding others (while retaining knowledge of what’s going on) power and control dynamics continue to be a way to move chess pieces on the board
    3. By avoiding resolution to a problem or problems, the situation continues to escalate
    4. By creating new trauma or exacerbating old trauma (at work, home in relationships and friendships) the situations are cyclical and never ending
    5. By perpetuating trauma/dysfunctional relationships and friendships the situations continue to spiral further and further out of control

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