How To Attract Quality Relationship Partners

couple-168191_640Steve Pavlina | August 20, 2013

To attract a happy relationship, define what you want in a partner, tell the whole world, and then filter and select for matches.

Does the World Actually Know What You Want?

Statistically about 50% of our relationship partners come to us through our existing social network of friends, family, and co-workers. So a good place to begin is to make sure your social network is well-informed and capable of helping you get what you want.

And by this I mean really putting the word out there, not just to your closest friends. Be as open as you can about sharing what you want to experience. Make it easy for people to help you.

A good test to see if “the world” actually knows what you desire is to ask many of the people in your life what they think you want. Make your request very open-ended, such as by saying, “Out of curiosity, based on what you know about me, what do you think I want most in life right now… specifically?”

See if they even mention wanting a relationship partner, and if so, what qualities they’re able to list. This is a nice way to test if your assumptions about what you think people know about you are accurate.


There are many factors that come into play next after you know what you want and you’re able to share your desires openly and congruently. This is a place where many people get stuck. Those who try to align with the emotional aspects of their desires but little else aren’t really as well aligned as they think they are.

Your expectations matter a great deal, and expectations go beyond feelings. Many people practice the emotional (Love) part of expecting, so they visualize their new partner and try to feel their way into this new reality. But they miss the other two sides of the triad of growth (Truth and Power).

One thing that throws people off is when they have a success or two based on using the manifesting power of Love alone. They intend what they want, and it shows up right away like magic. One view on this is that it’s just a random fluctuation — you got lucky those times. But another view that the universe was helping you understand the importance of Love alignment by making it easy for you in the beginning, and now it’s time to learn further lessons and achieve stronger alignments with Truth and Power as well, so the challenge increases.

Aligning with Truth

To be aligned with Truth in your expectations, you need some good logical reasons for expecting a match to occur. This is where a lot of people succumb to wishful thinking; they become irrational in their approach, hoping that something will change even though their strategy clearly isn’t producing the desired results.

In this day and age, you aren’t limited to your local social pool. The whole world is open to you. If you think the good matches live somewhere else, then either go where they are, or invite lots of them to come to you by giving them compelling reasons to show up.

Aligning with Power

To be aligned with Power in your expectations requires taking action. If you take a lot of action, this will increase your expectation of eventually finding a quality match.

If you’re doing a lot of inviting, but the people who show up aren’t good matches, then you may be aligned with Power, but then you need to get the application of your Power aligned with Truth. Notice what isn’t working, and stop it. Do something else that has a better shot of success.

Understanding Your Desired Partner

It’s very helpful to deepen your understanding of your desired partner. Remember that this is a real human being, not a fictional character or an archetype.

What would a potential partner like about you? What would s/he find attractive about you?

When you give these questions some thought, you may realize that you have to modify what you’re asking for.

In other words, ask for the ideal piece that fits your particular puzzle. Don’t ask for a semi-adequate piece. Don’t ask for someone you’re willing to tolerate. Ask for what you’d love to have in your life. Ask for a match that excites you.

Then consider what is it about you that would excite your potential partner. Imagine that your desired partner is simultaneously asking for someone just like you specifically. Can you accept that you could be someone else’s ideal match, just as you are right now? If you can’t accept that, then either you must release those limiting beliefs, or you must take action to transform yourself into a more attractive person. Both approaches work.

Declining Partial Matches

When you encounter a partial match, it’s important not to get hung up on it. Let it go and move on. Hold out for what you actually want. That said, it’s not the end of the world if you do succumb to a partial match for a while. It will be a learning experience for you. Making mistakes is okay. Just do your best not to make the same type of mistake twice.

It may seem sensible to relax your desires in the hopes of creating more opportunities for a match. But you’re not actually creating more opportunities for a match by doing that. You’re merely openly the door to more time-wasting partial matches.

This may seem like a hell of a lot of work. Perhaps it is. But when you’re cuddled up next to the yummiest of partners, and you hear “I love you” every day in whatever way you desire to receive it, I think you’ll agree that it’s worth all the personal development work to get there.

About the author

Steve Pavlina is an American self-help author, motivational speaker and entrepreneur. He is the author of the web site and the book Personal Development for Smart People.



Tags: , , , ,


If you enjoyed this article, subscribe now to receive more just like it.

Subscribe via RSS Feed Connect on YouTube

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

FAIR USE NOTICE. Many of the stories on this site contain copyrighted material whose use has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making this material available in an effort to advance the understanding of environmental issues, human rights, economic and political democracy, and issues of social justice. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of the copyrighted material as provided for in Section 107 of the US Copyright Law which contains a list of the various purposes for which the reproduction of a particular work may be considered fair, such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. If you wish to use such copyrighted material for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use' must obtain permission from the copyright owner. And, if you are a copyright owner who wishes to have your content removed, let us know via the "Contact Us" link at the top of the site, and we will promptly remove it.

The information on this site is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional advice of any kind. Conscious Life News assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of this material. Your use of this website indicates your agreement to these terms.

Paid advertising on Conscious Life News may not represent the views and opinions of this website and its contributors. No endorsement of products and services advertised is either expressed or implied.

Send this to friend