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9 Step Beginner’s Guide to Giving Your Man a Sexy Lap Dance


By Pleasure Mechanics Expert |YourTango

 If you've ever fantasized about mesmerizing your man with a slow striptease before sex, or giving him a sexy lap dance,  rest assured you're not the alone. Wanting to tap into your inner diva and mastering the art of seduction is totally natural (not to mention incredibly sexy).

We know a thing or two about how couples can improve their sex lives and become better lovers. One of the most common questions is how you can give your man the best lap dance of his life without seeming like an amateur.

Strap on your stilettos, it's time for class!

Related Article: 10 Sexy Date Ideas to Rev Up Your Relationship

Here's your guide to mastering the basics of lap dancing for your lover.

1. Treat it like it's a (sexy) special occasion.

Lap dancing isn't an everyday activity, but a seductive gift you can offer your man for special occasions. These days, people automatically assume that erotic dance is only for strip clubs and music videos, but it's so much more than that.

Imagine your lover being completely spellbound by your every move, quivering with desire, ready to follow your every command. Learn to lap dance, and you'll gain tremendous erotic power and confidence.

2. Practice your moves.

Long before you give your man a lap dance, start dancing for your own pleasure. Find a few songs that you find sexy and seductive and then practice dancing to them, enjoying the way the moves feel in your body.

Ditch the mirror and don't worry about what looks sexy. Focus on what feels sexy to you.

One of our golden rules is “Get Out Of Your Head, Get Into Your Hips!” Women spend too much energy worrying about how they look, what their lover is thinking and if they are performing adequately enough.

Take all of that energy and focus on how you FEEL. Bring the focus of your attention down into your body and notice the sensations of pleasurable movement.

Start with your hips. Place your hands on your hips and sway your hips left and right. Notice how your whole body curves in response. Then thrust your hips forward and notice how your spine arches.

All of these bends and curves are crazy sexy. Have a little extra flesh? Use it to your advantage and accentuate your curves as you bend and sway with the music.

Related Article: 10 Sexual Self-Esteem Boosters for Women

Next, find a song that you love dancing to. You can choose a fast, booty-thumping song that makes you feel feisty and alive. Or you may prefer a sensual dance to a slow love song.

Find the songs that make you feel most alive, most erotically charged and most ready to seduce your lover. Then dance to the song over and over again until you are at ease moving and swaying to the rhythm.

You don't have to choreograph a whole routine, just find a few good moves that feels sexy to you. The more confident you feel, the more desire you will build in your audience of one!

3. Get your space ready.

When you are ready to give your man a lap dance, take a few moments to prepare the space. Clear the floor around your most comfortable chair. Imagine your man sitting in the chair, beaming at you with love and appreciation. Make sure you can walk all the way around the chair so you can dance in a 360-degree circle of seduction!

Dim the lights if you can or flood the room with candlelight. You may even want to buy colored light bulbs to create a new atmosphere. It doesn't take much to create the thrill of novelty!

Create an atmosphere that makes you feel sexy, seductive and in the mood to dance. As you prepare the space, start taking long deep breaths and get yourself in the zone.

4. Make sure your body and mind are in the zone.

What you wear for your lap-dancing performance is totally up to you. You can go all out and dress up in your finest dress and high heels, go out on a date and give your lover a lap dance as dessert. Or you can hide gorgeous lingerie under casual clothes and surprise him on Sunday morning.

Make it your own. After all, a lap dance is an authentic expression of your sexuality!

You'll be getting very close and intimate with your lover, so take the time to take a long shower or bath and anoint yourself with a scent you love. You'll feel more confident and relaxed if you take a few moments to tend to your body before you present yourself to your lover.

Set aside all worries about mundane life. Ditch your to-do lists. Mindfully step into the role of seductress.

Your only job for the next stretch of time is to feel so good in your body that you cast a spell, seducing your lover into your pleasure zone. As much as you are giving a gift to your lover, you are also giving yourself the gift of a time to feel sexy, fully alive and sensually awake.

5. Build up the anticipation — It'll drive him WILD!

Don't tell your man what he has in store for him, but hint that you have something special to offer him. Let him wonder what is coming next.

Start your lap dance in whatever style you prefer. You can put the music on and strut your stuff. Or just turn away, look over your shoulder as the song begins, wink at him and start to move. Whatever you do, commit fully.

Trust us, he is NOT going to be evaluating your dance moves. He'll get excited at the opportunity to take in all of your beauty and will love your confidence in your body.

Don't worry about getting every move right and just let yourself have fun with it. Your own pleasure is the secret sauce that will make your lap dance the most memorable of his life.

So own your power, move for your own pleasure and know that you are giving him the profound gift of watching your gorgeous body dance!

6. Ladies, tease it out.

Related Article:20 Sex Secrets (From Women) That Will Rev Up Your Love Life

Start far away from him, and time your approach with the song so the last few moves are right on his lap. As you gain confidence you can even create a playlist for a multi-song seduction, starting slow and working up to serious grinding on his lap.

But to start, pick one song and know that you have three to five minutes to give it your all.

From far away, make eye contact with him and slowly start moving into your dance. Then peel away one item of clothing at a time – or leave it all on! You can even combine striptease and lap dancing.

If it makes you feel more confident, leave all your clothes on and leave the undressing for later. Or strip down just to your lingerie. This is your expression, so do what makes you feel best.

As you move, slowly approach him and then back away. Then move around behind him, lightly stroking his hair and shoulders. Let him feel your breasts and hair graze the nape of his neck.

Then circle back around. Your goal is to tease him as much as possible, making him ache to touch you. If he tries to reach out and touch you, playfully slap his hand around and firmly say “No touching!” Then dance just inches away from him. The denial will make him all the hotter.

7. Keep it simple.

Once you have built up anticipation, start dancing closer to him. When you feel ready, let the climax of the lap dance begin. Turn so you are facing away from him and slowly let your hips sink closer and closer to his lap.

Whether he gets fully erect or not, remember that an erection is NOT a full measure of his arousal. So don't worry about how hard he is.

Here are four simple moves for once you are dancing in his lap:

  • Start by swaying your hips left and right. This simple move is surprisingly powerful. Add a little dip by bending your knees as you sway.
  • Lower your hips so they are just barely above his pants and then move your hips in circles in time with the music.
  • Try a pelvic tilt by thrusting your hips forward and back. Give your hips an extra push as you move back to make your booty bounce in a delicious way!
  • The fourth move you can try is a simple bounce squat. Position yourself squarely above his lap and then squat quickly up and down, bouncing on his lap without ever making full contact.

This move is a huge tease and turn-on. Play with speed; start with slow squats and then bring up the tempo until you are bouncing in the air, just above him.
Glance over your shoulder once in a while and make eye contact. He'll want to both look in your eyes and at your beautiful body—the desire to do both will be a delightful form of erotic tease!

8. Remember to finish strong.

When you are ready to finish off as the song comes to an end, turn around so you are facing him, straddling one or both of his legs. Then do the same four moves: sway, thrust, circle and bounce.

Facing your lover means that your breasts (covered or not, they will still be a treat) will be at about face level. Use this to your advantage, and as you move your hips around his lap pay attention to all the delicious ways you can tease him.

When the song comes to an end, you have two choices. You can settle right into his lap and then let the charge take you into making out (and whatever other intimate activities you have on your mind!).

Or, you can get up and strut right out of the room, leaving him out of breath and…


Wherever you are in life, you have the power to create the amazing sex life you deserve. Learn and use the proven strategies you need to have the sex life you've been dreaming about!

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  1.' Patricia McCarthy says:

    Oh please, why is it always the pressure for women to be always pleasing and meeting the needs of mens sexual fantasies to keep them interested. If they are not into you, they are not into you!!! How about they do a lap dance for a change??? I totally blame disgusting porn obsessions in society to have abnormal expectations on women….. Grow up!!

    •' Sabine Rijpma-Esser says:

      (y) (y) (y) Agree

    •' Conscious Life News says:

      Pressure? Where’s the pressure?

    •' Sabine Rijpma-Esser says:

      Conscious Life News coz if a woman not do everthing for to searve and tread the mans needs as a whore like, here she get the feeling that she is to blame if he go and search it with other weman and that woman who dont do everthing for to keep mans fantasy exited, she is to blame if he is not loyal! And men??? Are lazy only, would never think and do something or give that much the worth and effort, for to do the same for us woman, on the same way and with the same characterless question in theire head form, if they wouldnt do, she will sure leave them, or not love them anymore? I have never seen and never heard and also never experianced men, hoe are in theire head on that way busy to always thinking, on witch way they maybe could it more keeping exiting in bed and with sex for theire woman and with what they will be able to surprice her there! Men are to lazy or like more thinking about expensive, fast cars, sports or???? Other weman!!!!! Even if they already have a woman who do everything what she can, men get new ideas in theire head what will be also possible more? Will look for other woman and what they have to offer for them also! And theire woman, who try to do everthing, only make men more courious about, what maybe will be more possible also and especially with other weman, and will leave their woman coz they are afraid to miss something otherwise? That is, what weman mostly get and experiance with man, for who they gave so much effort, at least they are always the stupid at the end, if they play at home the whore, he will pay her as such a! Coz men would never put them self under such pressure if they can get it all so easy from all woman! Woman give all efforts and put them self under pressure and men are only the enjoyners! But yes, you have also that men who give that kind of effort also for weman and put themself under pressure, but that are that kind of gentlemen where woman also have to pay for! If a woman have to be afraid that her man maybe will get boredom and than leave, that is where under pressure begins and where relationships ends! Both have to be willingly to give the effort and both have to know that sex is not only the main thing in a good relationship otherwise you get that sexists porno thing where you always have the feeling it can never be enough and you are never good enough amd have to be afraid to fail! And there are people who than takes drugs for to get more and more highwire! That sick, addictional unhealty thing what belongs to the porn users and abusers world

      • clnKimberlay says:

        Let’s be clear. Sex is part of a complete male female loving relationship. It involves giving AND receiving sexual pleasure. Males are visual. Females are emotional. No judgement here.
        This article is not about a MUST DO, it’s about an option that might help in a woman’s confidence.Why? Because she is becoming the fully sexual soul she is, in the presence of a fully sexual man. Men CAN do it as well. But they don’t tend to be as repressed as women. Females world wide have been repressed sexually, because of the influence of the Church, and Queen Victoria of England, culture, and so on. That needs to change. Male cultural sexual “guidance” has often been of dominance.That ALSO needs to change. It is time now in THIS TIME to go forward to what was originally designed and leave behind the old patterns that were hurtful, harmful and disrespectful. CLN’s sex articles are aimed to awaken BOTH partners in a relationship to giving AND receiving. All of CLN is aimed at expanding our readers level of consciousness. That happens at different speeds and levels for different individuals. Not everyone appreciates the same music, the same art, the same focus on politics or world events.
        One article on sex does not cover ALL the information we have shared and will continue to share. Search out and read some of our posts on Tantra, on MALE sexual pleasing of women. On homosexuality. If an article is not where you are personally, no judgement. Take what fits FOR YOU and pass on the other stuff. With all honour and due respect for you in your now moment.

    •' Patricia McCarthy says:

      Well said Sabine. Just to add, women also have to have well paid jobs too. So go to work, come home feed children, and man, then give a lap dance before bed, which he then probably snores like a chainsaw all night……. Don’t get me wrong I like men but don’t whimper to me, that men need to be kept entertained to stay!! Go, if they can’t keep up or have a don’t have a good moral compass. And it is important to have a great friend who will have your back as you have theirs and respect you and also someone to have fun with. Not entertain or serve!! Men are just spoilt in societies really….. But some are great too.

  2.' Mark Treat says:

    lol… gotta kindle the flame somehow…

  3.' Carolyn Mittman says:

    Kevin Siedschlag

  4.' Jack Miller says:

    Men and women, in healthy relationships, both initiate sex. Nothing wrong with that. If I had a partner and she wanted to do a lap dance for me, I would not stop her.

  5.' Rose-Marie Hojna says:

    Why don’t you guys give your girls a lap dance,,, for real,,, it goes both ways

  6.' Rebecca Lima says:

    This constitutes conscious life news?

  7.' Codruta Faliciu Novac says:

    Strike two… One more and I unfollow …

  8.' Miranda Numberg says:

    Wow, people commenting negative things on this is just awful. Yes, a healthy sex life is important to thrive as a human being. To stop being shy and share something outside of the box with a partner can be exhilarating for both parties. We aren’t all saucy and crazy or feel like we HAVE to please our man due to patriarchal societal pressures. Yes, a concious live involves sacred love making and that can include unleashing a sexy fun side that only you and your partner get to enjoy together. If that makes you angry then obviously you are not as conscious and aware as you can be.

    •' Conscious Life News says:

      Wow, Miranda, thanks for bringing some sanity to the party! <3

    •' Conscious Life News says:

      Hey everyone, here’s a companion article you might want to read (or bash) depending on your mood and your attitudes around conscious sexuality:

    •' Patricia McCarthy says:

      Conscious Life News hmmmmmm comment written there like a man. Are you?

    •' Patricia McCarthy says:

      I watched that video. I would never recommend that to any women if they really needed help. It was intrenched , Still, in that american programming of victim essence. Still looking to the man for protection and guidance, using unempowering words of suggestion. NO!! I suggest you read better material about woman who are strong and who have done great things and have intelligence with their intuition and don’t feel they need to please but just BE. The problem is that “people” have loss their essence of how to just be!!!! The belittle each other and torture animals to gain their out of control egos as that is what they are told. You don’t have to do everything you are told!!!! or believe. I have done yoga since I was 13 and I taught myself by listening to my inner lives from other lives. Read the book “the sacred language of Trees”……

  9.' Jessica Ebner says:

    This was fun to read 🙂

  10.' Liz Crocker says:

    Really? Dislike.

  11.' Ann Krüger says:

    Try Tantra, this is for both, and not just for his plesure.

  12.' Lizz Jacobo says:

    Major eye roll after I read the headline but I give it the benefit of the doubt and read the article then almost eye rolled into another dimension. People, it’s sex. You can figure it out, you don’t need to ask other people for advice or read articles or watch instructional videos. People have been figuring out how to turn each other on since the beginning of time!!!!

  13.' Ray Kazem says:

    Lol…. in my head he is comparing me to the pro’s. … then I lose my confidence boner. I know. .. I should own it. But isn’t that why they make booze? Lol… 3…2…1… lights. .. music. .. action. .. and pray you don’t hurt yourself.

  14.' Ray Kazem says:

    Yeah… Patricia has a point! The men should do a lap dance for us! Boom… show me what you’re working with.

  15.' Jason Bourchïer says:

    Tiffy Jane-maree Tracy

  16.' Patricia McCarthy says:

    So a good book for all the girls to read, “the sacred language of trees”, it is all about the true feminine energies, and ” The Serpent light”. Both will change your perspectives towards what is taught today and for years….

  17.' Chris Mcintosh says:

    Katherine McIntosh

  18.' Shawn Priest says:

    DeAnna Johnson

  19.' Shane Lyon says:

    Jodi Finley

  20.' Tom Smith says:

    Sammy Jane

  21.' Matt Millerd says:

    Leanne Spurr

  22.' Justin Jean Ferrant says:

    Nikki Ware note and pad ??

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