7 Things You Need to Get Rid of If You Want To Have Better (More Passionate and Connected) Sex

Written by on June 28, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 4 Comments

couple head and shoulders-compressed

By Vicki Howie

When it comes to sex, it’s not just what we do that is important, but what we don’t do. Most of us have a litany of preconceptions about sex. We have sex advice coming (pardon the pun) from every angle, and much of it is misguided.

So today, I’m going to name some things you’re better off without if you want better, more authentic, intimate, passionate sex.

Related Article: The Big Health Benefits of Sex, Affection and Support

Here are 7 things you need to get rid of if you want to have better sex:

1) The Term “Performance.”

I totally understand why a man, in particular, might think of sex as a “performance.” But basically, the concept is thoroughly misguided. A woman doesn’t want her man to perform, she wants him to connect with her, feel into her, make love to her. When a man’s head is in the performance game, he is more self-conscious and self-centered. After all, one usually performs on a stage. Drop the performance idea, and adopt the concept of connection, and watch your woman open up.

2) The 69 Position.

I have to admit, the idea of simultaneous, mutual oral sex seems really cool – in theory. But in truth, it’s awkward and uncomfortable. Men and women tend to be different sizes, and this makes the spacial aspect of 69 nearly impossible to master.  Then there is the confusion between giving and receiving – can we really do both fully at once? I don’t think so. Skip 69 and take delicious turns instead.

3) Physical Self-Consciousness

This is the woman’s equivalent to the man’s concept of “performance” and it too has to go. You can’t really open and make love if you’re worried about what your naked body looks like. Focus instead on the amazing miracle that your body is, and how good it feels to make love. And remember, if someone were to judge your body in the context of sex, then they’re the kind of person whose opinion you shouldn’t care about anyway.

Related Article: How to Effectively Share Your Sexual Wishes With Your Lover

4) Comparing

Whether you’re comparing yourself to your lover, or your lover to your past lovers, comparing in the bedroom will never add up to better sex. It makes the experience more mental and judgmental – neither of which leads to more passion. Enter into love-making with an innocent, fresh perspective and approach your partner’s body with awe and wonder.

5) Habitual Kissing, Touching, etc.

We’ve all been kissing since we were teenagers, and this means we may have built up some habits. Good kissing is a co-creation between two people. And since no two people are the same, kisses should never be the same. If you’ve been kissing all your partners to the present in pretty much the same way, you’re “solo” kissing. Drop your habitual approach and allow your kissing to shift with a new partner – or even the same partner who is bringing new ideas to bed. The same goes for touching, licking, teasing, etc. Meet your partner half way. Don’t just initiate, respond.

Related Article: The 10 Most Passionate Kisses

6) Trying to Have ‘Movie Sex’

Hollywood scenes are indelibly printed in all of our psyches. This is particularly true for love scenes. But real life doesn’t come with production design, professional lighting and witty, pre-written lines. So quit trying to make love like you’re in a movie. It’s futile. Real sex is messy, delicious, awkward, funny and sometimes very, very hot. But it’s not lit to win a cinematography award, and it doesn’t need to be. Do yourself and your partner a big favor and drop any desire you have to make your love-life look like the Hollywood version.

7) Chasing a climax

I know it’s hard not to chase a climax. There is that feeling that seems to rise and literally invites you to keep pushing. But the truth is, chasing that feeling ends your love-making before the party even gets started. I have a theory about why so many people chase the orgasm and it’s very counter-intuitive, so bear with me… I know most people think they go after an orgasm because they love the feeling, but I think on a deeper level, they go after it because they actually can’t contain the pleasure and they know the orgasm will give them relief. If you want better sex, don’t chase the orgasm. Stay with the pleasure, slow down, welcome it more fully and feel it blossom to a whole deeper and higher level.


vicki howie

Vicki Howie is the Creator of Chakra Boosters Healing Tattoos™ (find out what inspired her to create them here). Check out her new book “The Key to Your Chakras” here on amazon.com. Vicki is also the Creator of Chakra Love and the Chakra Life Cycle System®, as well as the Co-Editor of Conscious Life News. You can visit her website chakraboosters.com,facebook page and youtube channel for lots of free chakra info and gifts. Vicki’s biggest joy is to help you unleash your full chakra power and step into your highest potential.

Read more great articles by CLN Editor, Vicki Howie, on Chakraboosters.com

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4 Reader Comments

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  1. 1458607344449219@facebook.com' Nickwholeass Taylor says:

    I only have one thing. I keep it in a sack!

  2. 196210517401659@facebook.com' Aiman Shahab says:

    I know … ur need is over … now new1

  3. 175836856089650@facebook.com' Amber Smail says:

    I’m def. A chaser.maybe why I don’t like long sex. Hmmm.

  4. 1042421562504536@facebook.com' Alejandro Varela says:

    Exelent,this is the real truth,very well explained !!!!

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