15 Signs You’re in a Healthy, Loving Relationship
Luminita Saviuc | Purpose Fairy
“An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes.” ~ Patricia Fry
Being in a healthy, loving relationship is something each and every one of us dreams of having at a certain point of our lives, but do we really know what it means to be in this kind of relationship?
In today’s post I would like to share with you 15 signs to help you realize that you are in a truly healthy, loving relationship, a relationship that brings you the love, balance, freedom and genuine happiness, that we all seek and deserve.
1. You don’t depend on your partner for your happiness.
Whether you are with your partner or away from him/her, you continue to be happy and you continue to enjoy life to the fullest. Your happiness is self generated and you’re not depending on the other person to feel good.
2. You and your partner love, but don’t need one another.
You and your partner love, but don’t need one another. You don’t need the other person to feel loved but rather to share with him/her the love that is already present within you. And that’s what makes your relationships so beautiful and so easy to be in.
“The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.” ~ Neale Donald Walsch
3. You are more concerned with giving than you are with getting.
“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” ~ Anthony Robbins
You are both great givers, offering so much but without keeping score. And you give, not because you want to receive something in return, but because you’re both overflowing with love and it feels right to share your beautiful love with the other person.
4. You don’t ‘play games’ with each other.
There is no lying, no cheating, no manipulating, no punishing, hiding and no pretending. You play no games with each other and you treat one another the same way you would like to be treated – with love, honesty, appreciation and respect.
“In a relationship, honesty and trust must exist. If they don’t, there’s no point of loving. So if you can’t afford to be honest, stay single.” ~ Unknown
5. You are each other’s best friend.
You laugh, you cry, you play and you have fun together. You share your deepest and most hidden thoughts, fears, dreams and desires. You understand, love and support each other in everything you do and in everything you don’t do and you always take the time to listen and to be there for one another. When one of you falls down, the other one is there to pick the other one up, without judging, labeling or criticizing what had happened and why it happened.
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
6. You give each other the freedom to be yourself unapologetically.
In a world where so many people try to ‘fix’, change and control the person they are in a relationship with, you and your partner give one another the gift of freedom, allowing each other to be yourself freely, openly and unapologetically. You encourage each other to be true to who you really are, to be authentic and to live life with integrity without trying to ‘fix’, change and control one another. None of you is struggling with making the other person be less like they are and more like you want them to be. You love one another for who you already are and not for who, and for what you wish the other person to become.
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” ~ Thomas Merton
7. You don’t try to control or cage one another.
Even though there’s great love and a deep bondage between you two, you are both aware of the fact that you do not posses one another and that you are both free to be, to do and to go wherever you want to go, whenever you want to go.
No matter if you have been dating for a month, if you have been engaged for 2 years or if you have been married for 20 years, none of you is trying to control or cage the other person.
“Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.” ~Dalai Lama
8. You are not attached to the ‘happily ever after’ idea.
Even though you love one another and even though you wish to be together till the end of time, you are not attached to the ‘happily ever after idea’. If the day will come when life will ask you to go on your separate ways, you will not cling onto each other, hurting and caging one another, but rather you will let go graciously and lovingly, liberating the one you love, and yourself.
“Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, ‘I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go.’” ~ Dr. Maya Angelou
9. You are each other’s ‘beautiful enemy’.
You challenge each other, you point out the things that might be holding you back and you expose the darkness that is present in each of you, but you do it lovingly and compassionately, without hurting, judging or offending the other person.
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
10. You give each other SPACE.
Because you understand that a happy and fulfilling relationship is built by two happy and fully functioning individuals, you give each other the necessary space, time and distance to express yourself, to be yourself and to do the things that each and every one of you wants and needs to do. You give each other the necessary space and time to replenish, revive and renew yourself.
“Give your partner space for expressing himself or herself. Be present… Giving space to others — and to yourself — is vital. Love cannot flourish without it.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
11. You address conflict immediately.
When conflict arises, you immediately address it in a very open, non-aggressive and non-abusive way, working on changing and improving the behavior and always making sure that there’s no insulting, no yelling, no threatening and no name calling taking place.
12. You take time to acknowledge and appreciate each other.
When so many couples blame and criticize each other for the things that go wrong in their relationships and in their own lives, you two praise and acknowledge one another constantly, honestly and openly. You focus on the good traits of the other person and not on the negative ones, praising and reinforcing the positive behavior instead of the negative one.
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” ~ Mother Teresa
13. You don’t project your darkness onto your partner.
Because you understand that there is darkness in each and every one of us and that best way to deal with your partner’s darkness is to understand your own, you take the time to work on yourself, leaving in the past what’s of the past, forgiving and healing the parts of you that need to be healed and doing your best not to project your darkness onto your partner.
“If you both agree that the relationship will be your spiritual practice, so much the better. You can then express your thoughts and feelings to each other as soon as they occur, or as soon as a reaction comes up, so that you do not create a time gap in which an unexpressed or unacknowledged emotion or grievance can fester and grow. Learn to give expression to what you feel without blaming. Learn to listen to your partner in an open, nondefensive way. Be present. Accusing, defending, attacking — all those patterns that are designed to strengthen or protect the ego or to get its needs met will then become redundant.” ~ Eckhart Tolle