11 Truths We Have to Start Accepting About the Female Orgasm

Written by on June 18, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 15 Comments

By Jenny Block | AlterNet.org

As I’ve written before, too much misinformation is swirling around the universe about women and their orgasms. So in honor of this past weekend’s International Day of the Female Orgasm, I wanted to take a minute to share the top 11 truths about orgasm from my new book, O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm.

Truth #1: All orgasms have one thing in common — intention.

They are all about thoughtfully considering a woman’s body and how it works. They are about being conscious. They are about setting aside everything that we think we already know. They are about shifting the paradigm. It doesn’t matter how men’s orgasms work. At all. When it comes to a woman’s orgasm, the only thing worth considering is the woman having it.

Truth #2: Women’s orgasms should in no way take a backseat to men’s.

The clitoris is not a stunted penis, as Freud once suggested. The vaginal orgasm — which for all intents and purposes does not even exist — is not a mature orgasm, while a clitoral one is not immature, as he also asserted. Orgasms can emanate from a number of parts of a woman’s body. But the clit is orgasm central. For the most part, it requires stimulation — direct or indirect — in order to make the magic happen. That is the truth. Freud and all his lackeys were wrong, and Betty Dodson and Anne Koedt and all of their fellow warriors were right. Period.

Truth #3: There’s no “right” way to come.

Penetration does little for most women in the orgasm department. It might feel “nice.” But on its own, it’s not likely to cause orgasm. The only right way to come is the way that makes you come, from having your clit stimulated manually while you are being penetrated to using a butt plug to having your pussy eaten. It’s all right and all good.

Truth #4: There’s no such thing as “taking too long.”

According to Betty Dodson, the average woman needs 20 to 30 minutes of play to lead her to an orgasm. That timing depends on a million things, from your cycle to your partner to how your day has been. Regardless, it takes as long as it takes, and no one should be looking at the clock unless engaging in a specific quickie activity. Your partner should be enjoying what he or she is doing to you as much as you are enjoying having it done to you. If that’s not the case, there’s a whole other problem at hand.

Truth #5: Every sound is good.

A big part of having an orgasm is making sounds. Breath sounds. Throaty sounds. Whimpering sounds. Yelling sounds. Whatever comes naturally to you. If you stop those sounds, you’re stopping, or at least hindering, your orgasm, because you’re stepping out of the present and into some headspace that’s telling you, “Don’t make that noise. You sound weird.” Or, “Be quiet. Someone will hear you.” (Unless, of course, Grandma is in the other room. Then bite that pillow, baby!)

Truth #6: Every position is good.

Having an orgasm is like going on a scavenger hunt. You look everywhere possible for it and you don’t worry about how strange the places you need to look might be. The key is that you or your partner is able to stimulate the parts that you want stimulated. That is all that matters. I’m going to say that again: That is all that matters. So forget about what the magazines tell you. Forget about how you look. Forget about everything except for what feels good.

Truth #7: Every vulva is beautiful and unique.

Every woman’s body is a marvel. Eight thousand nerves ending in that incredible clit. That is a glorious, glorious miracle. We have to remember that when we inevitably start feeling insecure about what our vulvas look like. Whatever yours looks like, there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. Do whatever you have to and take pride in your pussy. That is the first order of business when it comes to having your ultimate orgasm.


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15 Reader Comments

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  1. 975318439158038@facebook.com' Roland Chapman says:

    I agree with all points made.

  2. 947707938620424@facebook.com' Scooby Courson says:

    Rhonda RoRo Devine

  3. 10207665551620285@facebook.com' Missy Jackson says:

    MyWay Marshall

  4. 10203472454610870@facebook.com' Georgina Statuto says:

    #10 need to take into consideration. Maybe I could have a better day

  5. 1057315167612783@facebook.com' Leif Adams says:

    I could not let this get by without passing it on!

  6. 10207329257772042@facebook.com' Yaa Offei-Darko says:

    Kwesi Takyi Gilbert- Arthur

  7. 10152626521208039@facebook.com' Laura Vanhulle says:

    Becky Namgauds ?

  8. 921312901275152@facebook.com' Anna Perstin says:

    Elizabeth Pierson Anna Mytko Brit Laux Shannon Michelle Amanda Marine

  9. 449532741916273@facebook.com' Hemchandra Mali says:

    I liked this article because it gives us an insight of females orgasm . Previously , I thought clitoral stimulation is solely responsible for orgasm but I now understand a lot of facts are associated with it.

  10. 10207382486349887@facebook.com' Lisa Albenberg Barash says:

    Maybe I’m a prude, but they could have used more clinical words. Sounded trashy. I couldn’t read it all.

  11. 10206229005636061@facebook.com' Jack Case says:

    Kerris McKinnon

  12. 935381689833658@facebook.com' Kim Ward says:

    The female orgasm is best shared?

  13. 876521669083059@facebook.com' Sheena Martin says:

    Josh Pruden

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