The 10 Most Common Complaints Sex Therapists Hear from Couples

Posted by on January 19, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 4 Comments

couple fights in bed

By Brittany Wong | Huffington Post

What do couples talk about when they sit down with sex therapists?

We asked seven sex therapists and psychologists from around the country to share the problems people in relationships bring up most frequently in their offices. See what they had to say below.


(1) I can’t orgasm the “real” way.

“Women who come into my office often tell me they wish they could climax the ‘real’ way — through intercourse. The clitoris, however, not the vagina is the center of her sexual and pleasure nerve endings. In fact, only about 15-20 percent of all women can climax during sexual intercourse and even then she needs lots of vibration, manual or oral stimulation to get her close. For those who still want to try likely positions, I recommend two with good G-spot-penile contact: Either woman-on-top at a 45 degree angle, or woman-lying-on-her-back on a relatively firm surface with her hips rocked up (for instance, with her knees hooked around his elbows).” — Laurie Watson, LMFT, certified sex therapist 

Related Article: Lessons from a Seasoned (Male) Sex Coach

 (2) We have mismatched sexual desires.

“The most commonly reported problem I hear about is what sex therapists call ‘desire discrepancy’: One partner wants sex more often than the other and in a more erotic way. In the beginning of a relationship, the higher desire partner probably kept the erotic energy going in the marriage and it was fun and sexy. After a while, if you’re the lower sex-drive partner, it can feel annoying and even manipulative to have a partner who is constantly looking for sex when you aren’t into it.  Sometimes it’s just because the sex isn’t that great; working on discovering the kind of sex both partners want can improve the performance and eroticism of their sex life. Or it could be that there’s tension and frustration in the relationship and it’s leaking over into the erotic part of the relationship. If that’s the case, it’s a hard climb over that kind of resentment in bed. But talking about what’s bothering you can actually bring you closer and make you more inclined to want to make love.”  — Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want 

(3) I’m having performance issues.

“When a man is in a relationship, the most common performance problems are premature ejaculation (PE) and erectile dysfunction (ED). In both instances,​ ​the men end up with ​strong​ performance anxiety which can cause them to avoid sex and intimacy. Women whose partners are dealing with ED may feel insecure that their partners are no longer attracted to or desirous of them.  To move beyond performance anxiety, men need to focus on their own bodies and pleasure and worry a little less about their partners. Learning to focus on pleasure, relaxing your body and your breath and letting yourself enjoy the experience help tremendously. If you’re his partner, it’s essential not to take it personally and to be gentle with him. Supportive partners who do not require that their partners function perfectly all the time have the best chance of resolving these issues. ” –​ ​Danielle Harel, Ph.D and Celeste Hirschman M.A

Related Article: Fun & Pleasure Go Together: Try These 7 Tantric Sex Games

(4) I want to spice up our love life, but my partner isn’t interested.

“People frequently tell me they want more variety in the bedroom. As time goes on, partners may express more desire for novelty or feel more comfortable letting their partner know they have certain activities they want to explore. While one partner might enjoy getting a few slaps on the behind or experimenting with anal play, the other may not want to try. It’s a sex therapist’s responsibility to assess for openness to change and underlying tensions that the couple may not be discussing initially.” — Sari Eckler Cooper, LCSW


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  1. 1402952466610993@facebook.com' Where there is love there is life says:

    Don’t be afraid to start over. It’s a new chance to rebuild things. This time better. The way you want it. — Unknown.

  2. 758741024235285@facebook.com' Anthony Pero says:

    What the actual hell. STOP with this gross stuff.

  3. 178994555774207@facebook.com' Kimberly Clark Maylas says:

    “my husband got a small penis complex what can i do?”- from dr.drew’s audience…. and the host reply…”for a skillfull ninja ever a small dagger can be deadly”…lol

  4. 380908712084308@facebook.com' Marcus Butler says:

    Here I was thinking sex was for repoduction of the human being.

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