There is no doubt that being in love is a beautiful, expansive place to be. When our relationships go well we are on top of the world, feeling high on life, blissful and content. When we communicate effortlessly with our partners and are in alignment with our values and core beliefs, life can be incredibly uplifting and amazing. The more open and authentic we can be with our partners, the more amazing our sexual encounters can be while intimacy deepens as well.
Until we can maintain those high states permanently, life’s events can shake us to our core. Reality isn’t always a state of high feelings of bliss. We have bills to pay and responsibilities to our families. The daily routine of life eventually sets in and we come face-to-face with a relationship that isn’t perfect. We find our partner has flaws and faults. Early on, we ignore signs we need to pay attention to, because we don’t want to spoil anything. The very cute quirky trait that attracted us to them in the first place, might be what really begins to set our nerves on edge. Over time, those quirks and flaws can begin to loom larger as time goes on. Maybe we are just wound too tight to experience unconditional love.
We know that relationships mirror what is going on inside us. So often we can easily point out another’s imperfections. When it comes to looking within, we prefer to look the other way. We don’t like to focus or take responsibility for what we are doing to our partners, we after all are human. We easily see how they ignore us, or forget to consider us in situations. For every action, there is an equal reaction. We need to start looking at what part came first, the chicken or the Easter egg? It is far easier to point a finger back at someone else and say, “You hurt me! You did this TO ME!” Even the most conscious of people can be judgmental seeing faults in others, or even slipping into victimhood from time-to-time. It takes self awareness and compassion to reflect on our own issues to recognize behaviors and patterns. Taking ownership of what we are responsible for does not mean you need to beat yourself up. On the contrary, the softer you can be with yourself, the more compassion you will also express to others around you. The more we let go of control and perfectionism the more we enjoy and can let go during sex. Often women say no to their male partners for reasons unknown to even them. Part of this is control. We push away loving experiences that could release stress, deepen our connection with our partners and help us sleep better.
When we can relax and sink in to ourselves, with a soft focus we can lovingly feel in to where we resist or reject love. I was very surprised when this issue was revealed to me. Most people have resistance to love in their energy field. I had it too. Part of the reason we resist love is fear of being hurt. We have been hurt in the past and don’t want to be so vulnerable again. Resistance can be control, manipulation, avoidance, denial, meaningless activities or relationships that don’t serve our highest good. Letting go of the need to be perfect is key to softening and opening our hearts to receiving love. No one will ever measure up as long as we constantly strive for perfection.
So often we jump from one relationship to another without taking time to assess what happened or process and heal the last one. Even when we take time to heal, reading everything we can get our hands on to shift our patterns, our very next relationship is another like the one before. Often emotions are still stuck in our bodies that are unprocessed. Or maybe we stay with our partner even though we are unhappy, because we are committed, but can’t get beyond the stuckness of the walls and judgments we have built over the years. The happier and more loving with ourselves we are, the softer and more accepting we will be of others. Softening, sinking in with compassion is the key.
Here are some quick ways to look inside to see if you are wound too tight or resist love:
- You find fault with others.
- When you look at yourself in the mirror naked, you critque, or negatively judge.
- You strive to be perfect.
- You make comments to yourself and friends, “I will never find someone who loves me for me.” or “I will always be alone.”
- When a new person is presented to you by the universe or a friend, you instantly reject them without opening up to the possibility that they might just be THE ONE or one of the ones.
- You deny your own sexuality, choosing to be celibate instead.
- You expect your love (Beloved, Soul Mate, Divine Partner) to look or feel a certain way.
- You doubt that the universe/The Divine can send you someone amazing.
- You are afraid of being hurt again.
Within the mental construct of our mind, we cannot shift our perspective easily. Patterns and beleifs are held in our unconscious mind. We need another person to lovingly point out our judgment, or condemnation because most of us only see it in others. We slough off deep discussions out of fear that someone would truly get to know us, or possibly reject us. Even couples that have been married for years rarely know each other’s deepest secrets. What are we afraid of? Are we inauthentic because we are afraid no one will love us the way we are?
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”
— Albert Einstein
Most of us don’t have what it takes to change our patterns on our own. We don’t dig deeply enough, for long enough, because we are afraid of what we will find. We need someone to help us shift. We need a guide, teacher or soul coach. Einstein said he was not a brilliant man, he just stayed with problems longer. There is a reason that people all around the world have studied with gurus in India. They have wisdom and knowledge that the students do not. The same is true for love. To find love, we need to give it to ourselves first, if you don’t know how, you need someone that has gone before you and can show you the ropes. It we don’t love and accept ourselves the way we are, how can we ever expect another to love us for who we are?
Love and acceptance of the self involves total acceptance of all parts, even the ones we don’t like so much. Our sexual self is the very core of who we are. It can’t be excised, removed or shut down without consequences. When we do shut down our sacred sexual center, we often experience financial problems as a result. When we step into our highest version of ourselves, our divinity, accessing all that we are, including our sexual self, we are whole, healed and infintintely happier as lovers, wives, husbands and friends. The greatest benefit is that when you love all parts of you, the fire of passion burns more brightly, your sexual self awakens and begins to blaze your path with joy.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach, with a large tool box of modalities to assist her clients with. From Akashic Records, hypnotherapy, energy healing and Neurolinguistic Programming, she assists those commited to raise their vibration to Divine Love. Her own experience of early sexual trauma led her to struggle with self love, confidence and acceptance. Through her healing journey she created a program that helps women heal their lives so that they can attract the love that they are to them. She empowers women to step into their personal power and live the life of their dreams. Her biggest joy is helping women find the love that is standing right in front of them, unseen until they love themselves completely.