Transform Tears Into Healing: 10 Practices for Getting Over a Breakup

Posted by on December 21, 2014 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex, Thrive with 0 Comments
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Vishnu | Vishnusvirtues

breakup“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” Unknown

Time doesn’t heal all wounds.


Neither does vodka, when it comes to getting over a break up.

Your life won’t just get better. And you can’t just move on.

Or find another lobster in the sea.

I haven’t had many break ups in my life.

Just one.

But the one I did experience wasn’t a breakup. It was a knockout.

It was a personal tsunami, hurricane and flash flood, all rolled into one Full Throttle ride at Magic Mountain.

It made me question my existence.

The breakup violently shook me to the core and turned my life upside down.

It made me question my identity. It led to a career change. A move. A change in lifestyle. A spiritual awakening. This blog.

While today I am grateful for my break up, divorce and my ex for everything, both during and after our relationship, I wouldn’t be entirely honest if I didn’t say the break up was like swimming in a shark-filled ocean without scuba gear, oxygen or the ability to swim.

I felt naked, breathless and like life was eating me alive.

Related Article: Break Ups Are Hard ~ Use These 3 Essential Tips To Raise Your Vibration & Flourish

Are you getting over a breakup in your life?

Your break up has likely left you with a shattered heart, anger, frustration, helplessness and feelings of mourning: the most unimaginable pain and loss.

While I can’t make the pain subside or dry your tears of grief, I can offer you a process that will help you recover from the heartbreak you’re experiencing. And no it has nothing to do with shotguns or harming your ex!

Here’s what worked for me on my journey from heartbreak to joy.

Here are 10 practices for getting over a breakup:

1)    Own your pain.

Stop resisting your pain and your pain will stop resisting you.

Following my breakup, I didn’t want to experience pain. I did everything possible to avoid it. I tried to deny that the relationship had ended. I didn’t want to accept the truth. I wanted to believe a future for the relationship still existed.

I found creative, unhealthy and distracting ways to avoid accepting what had happened. I used denial and excuses to avoid the pain of loss.

But let me level with you – you can’t move on until you’ve experienced the pain. You’ve got to embrace your feelings.

Although you’ll suffer and feel the pain’s sharpness for a bit, it won’t last.

If the thought of experiencing pain makes you feel scared or vulnerable, I encourage you to let yourself go there. Feel the pleasures and the sadness of the past. Experience the sorrow and the physical piercing, and cry about the helplessness you feel.

When you let yourself feel the deep, throbbing pain that washes over you, you realize that pain no longer holds you captive. You’ve confronted it, welcomed it and experienced it, and will watch it reduce in intensity.

When you experience pain, you transform your sorrow to your joy.

Related Article: #1 Way To Let Go Of The Blame & Shame Of A Romantic Break Up

2)    Create your team of personal healers.

This was probably my biggest mistake when I went through my divorce.

I was in so much pain and was so embarrassed that I decided to go through the process alone. I didn’t want to open my heart or show my weaknesses to anybody. That was hard.

When you share your pain with others, your burden becomes a little lighter. Sharing allows you to let go of the pain that you’re holding on to so tightly. It allows you to breathe a little easier and recover a little quicker.

As you can tell from this blog, I’ve come a long way.

I went from hiding my pain from everyone to sharing it with you.

You don’t have to blog your sorrows to the world or write about them in your next country song.

Create a support network of friends and family who understand you. Share your pain with people you trust and who will understand what you’re going through.

If you find the pain unbearable, talk to a therapist or grief counselor.

Think about working with a coach to help you overcome the grief and start taking positive actions to improve your life.

Try not to shut out others; be willing to let them in. People are more understanding and helpful than you think.

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