Videos of a women experiencing ejaculatory orgasms are extolled on porn sites, and even You Tube. Many self-respecting women hear about these gushing orgasms and question what the fuss is all about. “Why on earth would I want one?”, they wonder. Porn stars have them, but should a wife and mother want to have them too?
Those who have had them say the experience brings them to a state of utter satisfaction and profoundly deepens the connection they share with their partners. So how does one have them?
Typically, these kinds of orgasms are linked to stimulation of the G-spot, an area of the female anatomy that has garnered a near mythical status over the last six decades. While science has been slow to prove what every woman who has been stimulated there knows (that it’s very real!), we finally have at least a case study demonstrating its existence.
The G-Spot is a pleasure center approximately the size of a quarter, located 1 to 2.5 inches inside the vaginal opening, on the upper interior wall, towards the belly button. It is in close proximity, albeit internally located centimeters from the sensitive clitoris. With one curled upward facing finger, the G-Spot is within every woman’s reach. So why do so many women have difficulty finding it?
The main reason is this: the G-Spot is extremely sensitive to pressure, so most women react to the initial discomfort and stop the stimulation. Because it’s comprised of erectile tissue, the G-spot has a ribbed texture like a washboard, and the first touch of this sensitive area creates a strong urge to urinate. Most women experience this feeling and don’t push through the initial discomfort.
As a women, there are two things you can do to move through this initial stage more easily: empty your bladder before sex play, and bear down towards the pressure when you feel it. Beyond this urge to pee awaits immense, deeply profound waves of pleasure that can last minutes and create an ejaculatory orgasm. This is why the G-spot is often referred to as the “woman’s prostate.”
The G-Spot, named after Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg who discovered this extremely sensitive area in 1950, has been the source of much myth and debate since then. Although a very sensitive area was also discussed in The Kama Sutra as early as 1100 that led to intense, multiple orgasms, some medical doctors still deny it’s existence to this day.
A recent study by Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky, a urology resident at Yale-New Haven Hospital in Connecticut determined “Without a doubt, a discreet anatomic entity called the G-spot does not exist.” Dr. Kilchevsky did his testing in a sterile laboratory with bright lights and cameras. No wonder the women tested could not become aroused enough for the erectile tissue of the G-spot to be engorged, or felt!
It’s important to remember that just because something hasn’t been found, does not mean it doesn’t exist. It simply means it hasn’t yet been found. Early maps of our world left off whole islands and even continents, simply because they hadn’t yet been discovered.
Biologist, Zoe Cormier, believes the G-spot is real and shares this in her Huffington Post interview:
“I don’t think it’s a myth, and I read an entire book about it. Beverly Whipple at Rutgers has devoted pretty much 30 years to studying this thing. I don’t think there is any way that that kind of body of research could be created if it wasn’t real. I don’t think that all women necessarily have one, but it does seem that it’s a sort of cluster of tissue that can grow in size as you age, and the more you use it, the more it grows, just like any muscle.”
Women, when you stimulate your G-spot, it becomes awakened and enlarged. Usually 20 minutes of arousal is enough for you to feel the swollen ribbed area on the upper wall. Prior to stimulation, the G-spot is flat because it is not engorged or erect. Like a man prior to being aroused, the G-spot needs some TLC to perform.
Anxiety, failure to focus, or an inability to relax, can all cause arousal issues. And this may explain why the G-spot has been so elusive over the years — especially in scientific settings. Without the ability to be present and focused on the sex act, many women just don’t get turned on enough for the G-Spot to appear. Often, they may just be beginning to reach this point of arousal when the coitus experience ends, due to their partner’s orgasm.
What is needed in these cases is to extend the act of foreplay longer, and to massage the G-spot a while longer prior to penetration. Using a curled finger, massaging with pressure in a come hither motion intensifies the sensitivity of this area. The G-spot can also be reached in coitus, but that obviously takes more expertise. Russell Brand quips in his Netflix Special, Messiah Complex, that you need a special upward stroke of the penis to be able to “get the G-spot off!”
Here’s my explanation of that. As the man’s penis begins to swell right before ejaculation, women often begin to feel the benefits of this increase in girth, which naturally begins to put pressure on the G-spot. If the man can hold off his own orgasm, he may be able to stimulate his partner’s G-spot with an upward stroke. Pulling back to the point of almost exiting the vagina and taking short strokes through penetrating thrusts instead of deep thrusting, will stimulate the G-spot.
Personally I believe that every woman with a vagina has a G-spot. It may be dormant, but that does not mean it doesn’t exist. As women age, this area becomes larger and more sensitive the more it is stimulated. So ladies, this means you can actually develop your G-spot like any other muscle simply by stimulating it yourself and also by getting your partner to engage in more pre-coital stimulation. Yes, if it’s desired, female ejaculation can become a regularly occurring phenomenon for any woman.
I find that women who have been through sexual trauma may first need to undergo some gentle release work to eliminate the cellular trauma that is stored in the G-spot. The movie Bliss, with Terrance Stamp as the Tantrika healer, details the issues related to sexual trauma and G-spot dysfunction. It isn’t that women don’t have a G-spot, but the fact that trauma is often stored in the erectile tissue which causes a lack of orgasmic release. Tantric healing massage is explained in detail in my book, Orgasm For Life ~ Sexual Healing.
Here are instructions for how to locate and stimulate the G-Spot:
1) Place a towel or two beneath her buttocks, comfortably. When the G-Spot releases there may be a considerable amount of Amrita released. This is not urine. The liquid comes from the Skene’s Glands, not the bladder.
2) While performing oral sex add an additional motion of an upward turned finger stroking, putting pressure on the ribbed area on the upper wall of the vagina.
3) Stroking toward yourself in a “come hither” motion, add some gentle pressure, massaging the quarter sized ribbed area.
4) When you are massaging the G-Spot, you will notice the area swelling and becoming engorged as it is stimulated. The G-Spot is composed of erectile tissue, like the penis.
5) There will most likely be a feeling or urge to urinate.
6) Empty your bladder.
7) Returning to the stimulation, bear down or move towards the pressure.
8) Continue stroking, massaging the G-Spot.
9) Breathe, open your mouth as it relaxes the vagina.
10) Allow yourself to enjoy the stimulation and let go of the need to think about anything but the pleasure you are experiencing. Focus on the pleasure. If it becomes too intense breathe through your mouth, do your best to relax and let go. Move towards the pleasure.
11) Allow yourself to flow into the feelings of ecstasy. Relax. Follow the pleasure.
Shifting into sex and passion was a natural transition for me; someone who loves sex and who has healed addictions and codependency. In my book, Orgasm For Life I share what I learned on my journey from sexual dysfunction to wholeness. I hope you’ll read my books and discover your inner soul’s purpose on your road to healing. And connect with me for deeper work, if you feel called.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE THESE ARTICLES BY JENNIFER ELIZABETH MASTERS:
- 10 Ways to Heal a Sexless Marriage
- How To Make Your Sexual Relationship More Reciprocal & Fulfilling
- Sex Addiction: My Personal Journey Out Of The Dark
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters now empowers women and men through her love and passion coaching. Using six modalities, the experience is different for every person. Self love is the source of all addictions. Loving the self is the greatest gift you can give yourself and the world. You can find additional resources on her blog, Love Yourself Fearlessly.