So, I have to laugh (after an hour of straight balling, ironically) because it seems lately that I am finding all the answers to my biggest questions hidden in the oddest of places. They always seem to be wrapped in a tiny crevice of my intuition, tucked neatly under my self-awareness, just behind my will to expand and grow…
And while you may say these don’t seem odd places at all, they’re odd to me because for whatever reason, even though I study the crap out of sacred texts, spiritual precepts, practices, etc. I still find my ego somehow manages to get a hold of the reigns of my consciousness and guides me anywhere, but what would be the most obvious of places to look. They only seem odd to me because once I find them, it feels like they were sitting out in the open the whole time and like a cruel joke was played on me.
And then I remember that it’s my game. And no one plays me, unless I choose to play in someone else’s game or by someone else’s rules. And that again, it’s my ego building me up telling me I’m getting more and more “spiritual” etc. while my consciousness states it cares not for labels. This is not in alignment, this is out of balance and this is exactly the type of thinking that leads me to stray from my intuition in the first place, so far some times that when I come back, it appears to be a foreign, odd thing to me.
I wanted to speak on this today, because I’m learning a lot of new things about myself lately, and I figure if you read my stuff regularly, you probably are too. I am just really learning how to trust myself and use my voice and by that I mean really listening to my intuition and having the confidence enough to speak my truth and share my gifts with the world. But in that, as I do my inner work, I am seeing the ego constantly wanting to hang onto everything; fighting to keep me exactly the same.
Do you ever get really excited about doing something new? Trying a new hair style? Getting back into painting? Getting on that running trail by your house? And then those voices creep in? The ones that tell you why you can’t or shouldn’t? Or perhaps should just do it tomorrow? Yep, that’s the good ‘ol Ego.
I used to hate it, because I always associated it with “perfect” people who knew their shit didn’t stink and let everyone else know. But that’s not really the depths of the ego, and really only touches the surface. The Ego is there to point out to us places within us that are out of sync, not in harmony or balance and gives us the chance to look at the pain and trauma within and sit with it, observe it, heal it, transmute it and integrate it.
But it’s a tricky process because the Ego is like that slow-drip morphine and will gently sway you into self-pity, stagnation, and self-sabotage if you let it. And what’s more messed up is it is great at making you think you actually want these things because it makes you feel so comfortable and used to them. It feels “cozy” per se to continue to be mean to ourselves! What in the actual hell?
So, this is why it is so vital to learn about the Ego and it’s tricks and how to actually use it to benefit you. If left to it’s own devices the Ego will convince you that all you know is all you need to know and you must hang on with a Kung Fu grip or else! It does not want you growing, expanding, nor especially changing in a positive way because that means it is threatened. But if we can learn to shift the dynamic with our Egos and learn to work the paradox of having to let go of things to keep them stable and balanced in our life, then the Ego can do amazing things for us. By letting go or surrendering, we are not being lazy or leaving things up to chance, but rather not stressing ourselves out to the point we stop living. We must trust that the details are cared for after we put our big intentions out! We have to take a chance on ourselves as well and see that the more we show up for ourselves, the more we will stop letting ourselves down. 😉
Tamara Rant is a Co-Editor/Writer for CLN as well as a Licensed Reiki Master, heart-centered Graphic Designer and a progressive voice in social media activism & awareness. She is an avid lover of all things Quantum Physics and Spirituality. Connect with Tamara by visiting Prana Paws/Healing Hearts Reiki or go to RantDesignMedia.com