If someone asks, when was the last time that you had great sex with an amazing orgasm, was it this past week, a month ago or has it been years? Most men will answer, “this past week,” while an amazing array of strong passionate women will have difficulty remembering. Why is that?
Is it because men, more than women are motivated by sex? We know that men are wired differently than women, but it isn’t the fact that men are more motivated by sex. Most men experience orgasm almost every time they have sex. Yet over 48% of women don’t. In a recent study by a urology clinic in New Jersey, the number one complaint of 54% of women 18 – 30, was inability to orgasm, where 48% of women 31 – 45 years of age, had the same complaint.
Since our sexuality is the core of our very being, being non-orgasmic can take a serious toll on self esteem and our sense of wholeness. Many women wonder if there is something wrong with them when they don’t orgasm with regularity. Even some misinformed doctors think if it takes 40 minutes to orgasm there is something wrong. The issue is that women are not men. We need different forms of stimulation.
Women need to be aroused longer than a man does to be able to orgasm. Most women need 20 to 40 minutes of stimulation to orgasm, where most men need 2 – 3 minutes, or even less. You see the disparity. Just because a woman is wet, does not mean she is ready for sex. Women are like diesel engines, needing to be warmed up before their engine is cranked. Most men on the other hand are like a Ferrari on nitrous oxide, revving their engine, ready to blast off. The higher a woman’s self esteem is, the more likely she is to orgasm easily. This is partly because fear can block an orgasm from occurring. Women with high self esteem have fewer fears.
If a woman does not trust her partner, it can be difficult for her to reach orgasm. Women who have had sexual abuse, rape or other sexual trauma can have a lifetime of difficulty with sexual dysfunction (being non-orgasmic), unless they undergo a guided sexual healing. There is hope for those who are non-orgasmic.
Sexual trauma causes the body to go into fight, flight or freeze mode. Unfortunately many women are not aware of the armoring that the body creates to counteract and deal with sexual trauma. Body armoring causes the energy of fear and shame to be stored in the cells of the vaginal wall, upper thighs and G-Spot. This armoring causes the inside of the vagina to be numbed. This numbing diminishes the amount of pleasure a woman can experience through digital stimulation or penile penetration, even to the point of vaginal sensitivity and intense pain. There is hope for those who are non-orgasmic. There are sensitive healers, like myself, that can teach you the steps to take, or you could visit a Tantrika to have the healing done in a session, hands on.
For those wondering about the G-spot, whether it is real, or only something porn stars have, I assure you it is real and every woman with a vagina, has the ability to have an ejaculatory orgasm. Unfortunately, most women do not get the stimulation required to arouse this amazing and sensual center. It can take 20 minutes of direct stimulation before it becomes engorged enough to be in evidence.
The G-spot is located inside the vagina on the upper wall approximately an inch and a half to two inches inside the vaginal opening, north, towards the navel. To be able to stimulate this spot, a come hither finger motion needs to be used inside, curling the hand upward. The G-spot is thought to be the root of the clitoris, which is located just above the opening of the vagina. It is a highly sensitive area, that needs stimulation directly, to be found. (You would be surprised at how many men think that the clitoris is the woman’s G-spot.) Is it any wonder that over half of the women on this planet can’t orgasm?
Knowing your body, what feels good is key to being able to demonstrate to your partner what they need to do for you. Talking about what works for you, when you are outside of the bedroom, will help your experience inside the bedroom be more pleasurable. The problem is many women are afraid to speak up about what they want. It often takes women till they are in their 50’s before they feel confident enough to talk about what turns them on. Hopefully, this article will motivate everyone to open up a discussion about who does what to whom and for how long?
The interesting fact about men and women though is that both can bring themselves to orgasm in about the same amount of time, four minutes. The great thing about masturbation is that it is safe sex. In fact, it is the safest sex you can have, unless of course you attempt to use an object not meant for sex, like a vacuum cleaner.
While we are discussing the reasons women are not having as much fun as their male counterparts, it is important to note that 75% of women do not have an orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Yet most men still make love to their partners this way. The reason is that most men prefer to have penetrative sex to orgasm. It is what makes a man feel like a man. Clearly there is a disconnect. Most men in their 50’s are not aware of this fact. If women don’t come to orgasm through penetrative sex, their partners need to adopt techniques that do get them to experience a fleeting glimpse of God.
Talking about sex is an important part of receiving pleasure. We can’t expect our partners to just know. Even if we are intuitive, it is best to discuss what feels good to you, so that there is no misunderstanding. We need to walk them through our playground, joyfully, maybe with a roadmap, arrows and the most important parts highlighted.
I have interviewed hundreds of men about the subject of women’s pleasure. Most men say that their woman always has an orgasm. The statistics paint a very different picture. 80% of women fake orgasm because their men are not stimulating them long enough to get them there. The problem is that most women aren’t talking. With this 80% statistic in hand, most men still say, they know for a certainty that their woman comes every time. How can you be so sure?
Most heterosexual men like the feeling of being inside a woman. However a woman’s most sensitive spot, her clitoris is not stimulated through penetrative sex, especially when the man is on top. What is so important about that? A woman’s clitoris (C-spot) has twice the number of sensitive nerve endings than a man’s penis has. If the C-spot is not getting focused attention, for long enough, you may not be able to orgasm at all.
Open communication is clearly lacking in most relationships when it comes to sex. Do some sexploration to find out what feels good to you. Praise your partner for what they do well, then ask gently for what you want. Appreciate their effort, gently guide them with a smile. Remember guys, ladies come first, last and always!
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach, author of Orgasm For Life, available on Amazon.com. Her own struggle and subsequent awakening has shifted her experience of life, men and sex profoundly. She helps women find their purpose, passion and thrive in love. Her personal experience is what put her on the Orgasm For Life train, coupled with guidance from The Divine to write about sex. Jennifer is passionate about love, self love to be exact. She is an adventurer of life, maybe even part gypsy. Her belief is that our experiences in life add richness and depth to our soul. Born in Toronto, she has lived in Montreal, London, Gaithersburg, Maryland, Atlanta, Boulder and now the desert of California. She is a prolific writer, visit her blog, Love Yourself Fearlessly .