What Makes a Woman Feel Sexy and What Makes a Man Think She Is?

Posted by on May 9, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 13 Comments

Sexy couple on the beach-compressed

By Tammy Bleck | Huffington Post

I’m a 60-year-old woman who still considers herself a sexy beast. Well, maybe not a beast. A kitten. A sexy kitten. Okay, maybe not a kitten. A sexy gerbil. That’s it… a sexy gerbil! The operative word here is sexy.

I was married for 27 years, and single for the last 10. Dating in your 50s isn’t for sissies. One man I dated told me that I was sexy in my glasses. Another loved it when I wore high heels, and yet another was a big fan of red lipstick and cleavage. Mine, not his.

Related Article: 8 Reasons Sex Is Better After 50

When you begin to date after you’ve been married for most of your adult life, you can count on being confused most of the time. Juggling your needs and desires with the needs and wants of your partner is tough. Yeah, I was definitely a picky dater. Which means I spent more nights at home with my dog and was generally pretty happy about it.

It all seemed like so much work. Games were still being played and I found myself less than tolerant of people who were less than forthcoming. Sex was still a huge part of the equation, but not something I was ever willing to give away, if not to the right person.

The question begs asking: what makes a woman feel sexy, and what makes a man think that she is?

I can answer that question by first stating that what was sexy in my 20s is no longer such a big deal. When I was in my 20s, I fell in love with my high school sweetheart who was tall (6’4”), dark, handsome, and had a gorgeous head of hair and a ridiculously confident personality. I knew our love would last forever.

It didn’t. Lust always outlives love, if for no other reason but to baffle us further. He is still tall, dark and handsome. The hair is now store bought and the confident personality turned out to be just loud and obnoxious arrogance. Who knew? He was everything I was looking for and all I ever wanted.

Until I didn’t. It took me years to learn that what you put up with is what you end up with.

These days, sexy is a lot less about tall, dark and handsome with a full head of hair. It has become a lot more about confidence, humor, affection, kindness, loyalty, and intellect. And sex.

Related Article: 6 Ways to Love Your Body (That Lead to Better Sex!)

I was no longer in the market for a man to have children with, build a career alongside, settle into our first home together, and have crazy, sweaty sex 7 nights a week. I was looking for a man I could grow old with, travel the world, have wonderful conversations, share our homes together and have crazy (less than sweaty) sex 2 nights a week.

According to e-Harmony, men find women sexy who are playful (flirty), beautiful, affectionate, open and mature about sex, fearless, appreciative, like and understand men (I’m not at all sure the latter is possible), flexible (in thought, not in body… I think), funny, and a good kisser. It didn’t disclose what age demographic they were talking about. But I’m betting it was younger rather than older. Just a hunch.

In my 10 years of dating between the ages of 50 – 60, there was only one man, out of many, who asked me what I found sexy in a man. That is the man I’ve been with for the last four years. Not because he asked, but because he made sure that he was what I wanted and needed. Which only makes me want to please him more. Funny how that works.

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13 Reader Comments

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  1. The brain!!! like they say there has to be chemistry, all there is your Brain and chemical reaction happening every moment. That’s sexy

  2. Soo look forward to being 60!!

  3. surely is a individual thing, that unique chemistry, *frisson* between two ppl.. is different for everyone, no. *eyes* *smile*..I don’t buy all that myself. who cares, if that..deeper.. magnetism.. is missing.

  4. Honesty, Protective, Humor

  5. Willingness is the key. Willingness to have an adventure, to try new things, to go where your heart wants when your mind says I’m afraid, to share a kiss (or more) when you’re not sure you’re ready. That’s what sexy is. That kind of trust is what turns a guy on.

  6. Unconditional love is my sexier to me??

  7. Ella Ela Ella Ela says:

    Intelligence, confidence, honesty, willingness, humor, helpfulness… there, I just described the perfect human being.

  8. Whorny is natures way to make us have babies…

  9. “When we practice sacred sexuality..
    ..we are working with cosmologically rooted principles,
    .. balancing the heavenly:

    * yang (male energy)
    of the universe with..
    ..the all-knowing,
    ..life-giving..

    *yin (feminine energy)
    ..of the earth within ourselves…!!!!”

    ~ John Maxwell Taylor

    (Art by Phazed.)

  10. Honesty, Intelligence, Stability and a big cock

  11. Dontforgetit@gmail.com' Al says:

    Seems that’s what is sexy about men for women changes as women get older and becomes more about personality character and less about the tall dates and handsome but what men find attractive about women remains the same no matter how old they get – young slim and cookie cutter types. Men seems to place such little value on character and personality and disregard women their own age in favour of much younger women
    Time after time . They really are extremely shallow

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