Conscious Parenting: Parenting Vows Before Conceiving a Child_Featured_, Conscious Parenting Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012
Everyone has heard of wedding vows and most find them to be a good idea. How about parenting vows? My hope and the primary reason for my soon to be released book, ABC OF CONSCIOUS PARENTING: AGREEMENTS BEFORE CONCEIVING!, is that parenting vows become as commonly used as wedding vows.
In order to be able to drive, you must pass a driving test. If it were up to me, there would be a law in place that made it mandatory for prospective parents to pass a parenting test before they are allowed to bring a child into the world. Since it is unlikely that such a law would ever be instituted, the next best thing that came to mind is a set of agreements that parents would discuss before conceiving a child. After answering the questions that are provided to facilitate discussion of the agreements, the couple would then write out what they agreed to in the form of parenting vows.
Below are three of the 108 agreements from my upcoming book, which will be released on Amazon Kindle on or before June 1, 2012.
AGREEMENT # 97: Agree to discuss challenging issues away from children
Parents should discuss difficult issues in a scheduled “talking time” setting away from children. If the discussion turns into an argument and especially if one or both parents becomes angry or hostile, stop the discussion and resume only when both partners are calm again. FACT: People cannot be objective and/or create positive results when they are emotionally upset. What are your thoughts on scheduling talking time away from children and only having discussions when both parents are calm? Can you both agree to abide by these guidelines?
AGREEMENT # 98: Learn and Use Compassionate Communication
Parents should learn and incorporate compassionate communication into their communication style when speaking with anyone, but especially when speaking with one another and their children. Marshall Rosenberg has written several wonderful books on the subject: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, and Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way. There are also resources online as well as workshops that are available for you to take. At a minimum, agree to never argue violently in front of your child. Be firm about this. Verbal abuse is still abuse. FACT: Children suffer and become distressed when their parents argue, even during pregnancy. They also pick up unspoken repressed emotions, thus the importance of using compassionate communication. What are your thoughts about learning compassionate communication skills? Are you willing to invest time in learning those skills to help facilitate a harmonious future for you and your family? Are you willing to implement what you’ve learned?
AGREEMENT # 104: Always talk positively about the other parent with your child
Agree never to put your child in a position where he/she must choose one parent over the other. Never talk negatively to your child about the other parent or someone the child loves, unless the child needs to know something that will prevent them from being harmed in some way. Should your partnership/marriage fail for some reason, be sure that you avoid bad mouthing the other parent in front of your children, no matter what! Always find compassionate ways to discuss the other parent. What are your thoughts on this? Are you willing to abide by this agreement?
© Anna Krajec, 2012