By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting
Dirty talk can feel like walking through a minefield for a lot of people.
It’s an area of sex that makes a lot of people feel silly because they’re unsure of how to go about it without feeling ridiculous.
When someone says “Talk dirty to me baby…” in the bedroom the hopefully-soon-to-be dirty talker instantly freezes like a soaking wet roll of toilet paper being thrown out of an igloo in Antartica.
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What should you say? What do they want you to say? What if you say too much? What if you say too little?
Dirty talk, just like sex itself, is something that needs to be calibrated to the individual that is hearing the dirty talk from their partner.
Maybe something that you qualify as dirty talk is offensive, or laughable, or insane to your partner.
This is the ultimate guide to dirty talk, walking you through the things to generally avoid, include, and steer clear of altogether in order for you to dominate the world of dirty talk.
(For the record, I don’t believe in the words “dirty talk” since there’s nothing dirty about sex or talking about sex. Alas, this is what people call it so I have to meet society where it’s currently at.)
Five General Dirty Talk Guidelines
I’ll get into specific phrases you can use momentarily, but first, some guidelines to help you get your black belt from the dirty talk dojo.
1) Before Sex, Say What You Want – During Sex, Say What You Like
A good rule of thumb with dirty talk is to tell your partner what you want to do to them/with them before you’re doing it, and then while you’re doing it, tell them what you’re liking about it.
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For example, maybe your partner has a relatively high sex drive but their engine only gets revved up when they’re already thinking about sex. They want to have sex more often but it just doesn’t cross their mind all that often. The solution? Dirty talk.
Again, this will all be based on what you authentically desire in the moment, but saying something along the lines of “I’m trying to get work done but I can’t stop thinking about last week when we were 69’ing and your delicious juices were flowing into my mouth” could be the thing that pushes them over the edge to jumping you.
Any statement about what you have liked doing with them, or that you are envisioning doing with them, is a great way to ease into a super-vocal sex session.
And while you’re fooling around, giving your partner real time feedback about what you’re enjoying is a great way to encourage them to give you more of that thing, and also gives your sexual play the added edge of becoming more of a multi-sensory experience.
2) Be Descriptive
For a lot of people, it’s the details of dirty talk that make it so much of a turn on.
For the record, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with statements like “Yeah, I like that,” “You look so hot right now,” and “I love having sex with you.”
But they can be supercharged in a massive way if you shift them each with a bit of descriptive detail.
“Yeah, I like that” becomes “Oh my god, keep doing that. I love your big/little hands all over my ass/balls/chest/etc.. You are the sexiest person on the planet.”
“You look so hot right now” turns into “You are better than any fantasy I could ever come up with. I fucking love you and your perfect/delicious/sexy big/little (body part).”
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“I love having sex with you” transforms into “I love it when you grab the sheets when you’re about to come. I love how your breath pauses when I put my mouth on your (insert partner’s preferred name for their genitals here). There’s no where else I’d rather be than inside of you/on top of you right now.”
Now… isn’t that better? ?
3) Use All Of Your Senses
One of the fastest ways to boost the power and erotic, engaging quality of your dirty talk is to start using multi-sensory descriptive words.
Most people dirty talk with two of their primary senses: sight and touch (i.e. “You look so hot/You feel so good”).
While there’s nothing wrong with sticking to your comfort zone by staying within the parameters of these two dominant sexual senses, there’s so much fun to be had by letting your descriptive imagination run wild.
A few examples of dirty talk phrases that use multi-sensory descriptions:
– I love how you taste/smell. I could get drunk off of your juices/scent.
– I love the sounds you make
– You sound so sexy when I’m going down on you
– I want to fuck you until I feel that sweet little pussy clenching around my cock
– I want you to cum so hard that I feel your cock pulsing inside of me